WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 30, 2005
Yech! This is water?
7-140 Elmview Street, West
Welland, ON L3C 4K7, Canada
TELEPHONE: 905-788-2237
EMAIL: canadizzy@yahoo.ca
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
The Editor, The Welland Tribune
228 East Main Street
Welland, ON L3B 5P5, Canada
TELEPHONE: 905-732-2411
EMAIL: tribune@wellandtribune.ca
RE: Drinking water safety
Dear Editor and Staff,
Every day, we see flooding in communities due to heavy rain not accommodated by the drainage systems in place. When that happens, the rushing rainwater overwhelms the purification systems and raw sewage is swept into areas that might affect drinking water. Sometimes this causes a tragic situation with deaths. Sometimes, it results in a warning about the safety of drinking water and people are asked to boil all their water or switch to bottled water. In many areas of the world, tap water is never drunk or used to brush one’s teeth. In many areas of the world, the wells are contaminated and people are dying. Right here in Ontario, there were deaths due to E. coli in a situation where the administrators were aware that the safety of their water purification was compromised. A scandal resulted. After the investigation, it was revealed that many towns in Ontario have inadequate safety measures to insure safe water.
Yesterday, I noticed a funny taste to my tap water. I hesitate to be part of the tongue and nasal rangers of this area, but I was wondering if my tap water is safe to drink. Does Welland have an updated water purification system? Did yesterdays rain, and the rains before, affect my tap water in an adverse fashion? Will tomorrow’s rain be dangerous? Am I drinking water with more than 100,000 E. coli per litre, today? Have I been drinking, or will I be drinking contaminated water? In a city where there must be hundreds of leaking underground storage tanks abandoned by factories and gasoline stations, is my drinking water free of carcinogens, and other contaminants? Is the rumour true that there is still extremely dangerous waste just lying around on the old site of Union Carbide? If there’s a question about the landfill/garbage capacity, is there a question about my drinking water? Should I switch to bottled water or boiled tap water, like most of my neighbours have?
Thank you for listening.
Sincerely,
Izzy Sommers.
Cents of Humour
7-140 Elmview Street, West
Welland, ON L3C 4K7, Canada
TELEPHONE: 905-788-2237
EMAIL: canadizzy@yahoo.ca
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
The Editor, The Welland Tribune
228 East Main Street
Welland, ON L3B 5P5, Canada
TELEPHONE: 905-732-2411
EMAIL: tribune@wellandtribune.ca
RE: Cents of Humour in Welland
Dear Editor and Staff,
Yesterday, I was still internally amused by a joke an elderly lady had told me at Euchre some 5 or 6 weeks ago. I’d shared it with many of my kith and kin and generally got a good response. I was at the Seniors’ Centre and I discovered that very few people laughed at the joke. So I started keeping track. Of the 46 people to whom I told the joke, only 7 laughed heartily and 9 didn’t laugh at all. Some 12 people smiled in a friendly manner, while some 14 groaned in a good-natured way. Another 3 asked me to repeat the joke before they reacted with a grunt, while 1 person wanted me to write it out and then she laughed when she read it.
Canada has a fine tradition of humour. Dan Akroyd, Rich Little, Jim Carey, Don Sutherland, Lorne Greene, Graham Green, Jean Chretien, Paul Martin, Lorne Michaels, Brian Mulrooney, and Pierre Trudeau are but a few of the Canadians that invoke laughter, or have invoked laughter, in retrospect. Like Jack Benny and Johnny Carson, many of them have been students of their craft. Steve Allen and Jack Paar often tried to explain why people laugh. Johnny Carson was wont to quote a writer who claimed that there were only 7 kinds of jokes and that all jokes were variations of these. In interviews, Sir Dan Akroyd frequently likes to analyse the special humour that he and John Belushi created, as the “Blues Brothers.”
This is the joke that still has me smiling and will probably make me smile for a long time: How many reindeer does Santa have? The answer is 10. Most people remember the original 8, including Donner and Blitzen, Thunder and Lightening. Most people remember the 9th as Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Few people know about Olive. If you sing the Rudolph song, it states clearly that “Olive the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names. She never let poor Rudolph play in any reindeer games.” Did you laugh? Did you smile? Did you grunt? Did you get it? I’m guessing that if you are nervous and a perfectionist, you didn’t laugh. I’m guessing that if you’re not used to my delivery, in writing or in person, you didn’t laugh. Sorry...
Thank you for listening.
Sincerely,
Izzy Sommers.
TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 29, 2005
New Pope, New Edicts
7-140 Elmview Street, West
Welland, ON L3C 4K7, Canada
TELEPHONE: 905-788-2237
EMAIL: canadizzy@yahoo.ca
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
The Editor, The Welland Tribune
228 East Main Street
Welland, ON L3B 5P5, Canada
TELEPHONE: 905-732-2411
EMAIL: tribune@wellandtribune.ca
RE: The New Pope’s New Edict
Dear Editor and Staff,
The newscasts, today, are full of reports from the Vatican. The new pope, Pope Benedict, has made an edict, as expected, about homosexuality within the Catholic Church and the priesthood. He has confirmed his conservative approach and opinions. His interpreters have spoken with authority and self-confidence. Gays are out as priests. Same-sex marriages are out. If there is a tendency to be gay, a period of 3 years must pass, with no gay activity, thinking or feeling, before a man can enter the priesthood. Reported were the studies that show that the priests who have molested boys are likely to have been gay. Ergo, cut the gay guys out of the priesthood and solve the present, and possible future, scandal of boy-molesting priests.
I’m not disturbed by this edict. It is a religious organization and they are entitled to make edicts “from on high,” basically the classic “ex cathedra” pronouncements. In the past, these edicts have prohibited the reading of certain books, prohibited priests from marrying, where originally they could marry, prohibited women from becoming priests, denied that the earth goes around the sun, removed sections form the original bible, prohibited abortions, prohibited birth control and birth control advice, denied the existence of mistresses taken by priests, denied blessings to children of wayward priests, and prohibited sex unless it is within the confines of a legal marriage of a man and a woman and unless it is intended to produce babies. Presumably, the choice is for the individual as to whether to accept these edicts or not, whether to become a Catholic or whether to stay a Catholic. There is no confusion in my mind about this situation, and the presence of freedom and choice. Moreover, I believe it should be clear to everyone, Catholic or not, what the rules are. Stating and establishing rules is a huge plus for any organization. It clears the air and makes the choices for the individual clear. For the most part, the ethics of the Ten Commandments and the pronouncements of God, Moses and Jesus are well served.
What is disturbing is the details of the logic that is presented to the Catholics and the rest of the world. Other Popes, and the government of Catholic Cardinals, have made other decisions in the past and may make them in the future, in the secrecy of the chambers of the Vatican. These edicts are presented as if they were carved in stone, when in fact they are changeable. It may take centuries to change, but they are changeable, nonetheless. Furthermore, Reformations, and “spin-offs,” such as Lutheranism and Anglicanism, have occurred and will predictably occur in the future. Spin-offs of spin-offs are actually common, as in the formation of Mennonites and Mormons, Baptists and Presbyterians, United Churches and Dutch Reform Congregations. Even Muslimism is a spin-off of Catholicism, believe it or not. Mohammed, as you recall, logically followed the Old Testament and the New Testament and claimed to be the real Messiah, the real messenger from God, the real interpreter of the Commandments and the real keeper of the Covenant. His Arab supporters and disciples believed in him and the rest is history. Ironic, eh?
What is also disturbing are the clinical “facts” that are presented. Many years ago, the American Psychiatric Association, the APA, logically removed Homosexuality, as a Mental Disorder, from it’s famous book, used around the world. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, the DSM, is virtually “the Bible” for Psychiatrists and Psychotherapists, governments and insurance companies, around the world. It has been revised many times since it was first written to be more consistent with the results of scientific studies of mental illnesses, in all countries. The APA, DSM, for Mental Disorders, however, is modified by some organizations, as it has been, by the Catholic Papacy in the Vatican, apparently, possibly, only for the purposes of supporting it’s stand on gay priests and same-sex marriage. One announcer from the Vatican, an interpreter of the Pope’s edict, repeatedly called Homosexuality a Mental Disorder.
As an aside, other changes of significance in the DSM interpretation are made by other organizations. Ukraine and Southern Italy medical health plans do not accept ADHD, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, in children, as a valid diagnosis. Apparently, they feel that bright, hyperactive children are depressed, in part because they see through the lies of adults, and in part because they have perfectionist parents, doctors and teachers. American and Canadian DSM’s have dropped Personality Disorders from it’s compensated diagnosis files, the logic being that everybody has a personality and that perfectionism, (obsessive-compulsive personality disorder,) and niceness, (passive-aggressive personality disorder,) are so common as to be “normal.” As you know, “Normal” is not an acceptable diagnosis, if a third party payer, such as a government or a Blue Cross/Blue Shield, is involved.
Thank you for listening.
Sincerely,
Izzy Sommers.
Bring on the women!
7-140 Elmview Street, West
Welland, ON L3C 4K7, Canada
TELEPHONE: 905-788-2237
EMAIL: canadizzy@yahoo.ca
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
The Editor, The Welland Tribune
228 East Main Street
Welland, ON L3B 5P5, Canada
TELEPHONE: 905-732-2411
EMAIL: tribune@wellandtribune.ca
RE: Federal Elections
Dear Editor and Staff:
Now that the Liberal Party of Canada has officially fallen, those of us that like to forecast elections are ready to go. I’m sure I am not the first to make my guesses. In fact, since the Paul Martin Liberals have been the majority in Ottawa, folks have already been guessing what a newly elected government might look like, ever since Jean Chretian stepped down. One could almost use the American expression, “a lame duck administration,” to apply to Paul Martin’s administration, virtually since it’s onset.
I’ve been a Belinda Stronach fan since she ran for a seat as a Progressive Conservative. In fact, she vied for the leadership of the PC Party, right from the beginning. Her dramatic move to the Liberal party saved Martin’s government. He faced a critical vote which was locked at 162-162, as I recall. Only the speaker’s vote, and Belinda’s vote, broke the deadlock in Martin’s favour. Had he lost that vote, even only by one, a vote of non-confidence would likely have toppled the government. Linda Stronach has been quiet. Many times, she should have had the opportunity to step up and assume the leadership of the Liberal Party. I believe, like Hilary Clinton in the USA, she is the only obvious stand-out politician bound to be elected to the top political position in the country. I’ve wondered if her agreement to leave Harper’s camp and fight in Martin’s, included not only the Human Resources Minister’s position to which she was appointed but also the admonition that she not interfere with Paul Martin’s claim to be the Prime Minister.
For many reasons, I believe, Paul Martin will either not be elected in his own riding, or not elected with a clear mandate to take the Prime Minister’s position back. I believe Linda Stronach will step up and lead the Liberal Party to victory. I believe the Canadian public will re-elect the Liberal candidates, to a large extent, such that there will be an actual majority, or only a slight minority. I believe the New Democratic Party, the NDP, will align themselves strongly with Ms. Stronach and form a large majority coalition, if necessary. Further, I believe, the NDP will either jump ship to the Liberals or officially change their names to Liberals by a giant, dramatic, political agreement. I believe the public will be supportive and that such a Liberal, or traditional Whig party, will govern Canada for some years to come. I believe that Harper does not have the charisma or leadership qualities like a Mulroney or a Diefenbaker to rally the PC’s to victory. I believe that Belinda Stronach has such leadership, and other personality, qualities as to be accomplished as a liberal, like Trudeau or Chretian.
It’s time that Canada followed countries like India, England and Israel, who elected Indira Ghandi, Margaret Thatcher and Golda Meir, to be their leaders. Women are in the majority in the voting public around the world, and deserve to take responsibility for the actions of their countries. After all, we’ve had women as Governors-General for some years now. Also, many Monarchies have Queens at their helm, at this time. Canada deserves a “woman’s touch,” and I believe she is going to get one, soon. Instead of saying the men have messed things up, the women deserve their own chance to mess things up.
Thank you for listening.
Sincerely,
Izzy Sommers.
ART IS LOVELY
A Silly Sonnet
By Izzy Sommers
Intuitive evaluation of
A piece of native art may spring from love
Because the primitive construction comes
From gentle primates with opposing thumbs
Who illustrate the simple attitudes
Of pleasing combinations latitudes
From cities with complexities of growth
Requiring oft a witness under oath
Collaborating one’s identity
Before a minimal security
Allows expression of a heartfelt love
Which many natives bask in sunshine of.
Of course there’s fear and anger to construe
Without which love is often victim, too.
THE END
GREENSLEEVES
A Silly Sonnet
By Izzy Sommers
On Saturday, the symphony appeared
To be completed when the orchestra
Began to play again. The strains of Ralph
Vaughan Williams’ Greensleeves filled the
Air and there upon the stage was Henry VIII,
The King of England, thought to be composer
Of this melody. Enthralled, the audience
Was in a trance when Henry did a dance.
And then, the virgin Queen Elizabeth
Appeared, reciting William Shakespeare’s
Romeo and Juliette, while Henry did
A silly pirouette. The crowd was thrilled.
This silly sonneteer’s not being fair.
No king nor queen nor I was really there.
THE END
nasal rangers
7-140 Elmview Street, West
Welland, ON L3C 4K7, Canada
TELEPHONE: 905-788-2237
EMAIL: canadizzy@yahoo.ca
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
The Editor
The Welland Tribune
228 East Main Street
Welland, ON L3B 5P5, Canada
TELEPHONE: 905-732-2411
EMAIL: tribune@wellandtribune.ca
RE: Nasal Rangers
Dear Editor and Staff,
Your article, Odour complaints downplayed in regional report, says PLC, BY MARK TAYTI, TRIBUNE STAFF, WELLAND, in the MONDAY, NOVEMBER 28, 2005, of the WELLAND TRIBUNE, was very amusing. Mr. Tayti did a great job in avoiding some of the more obvious jokes about odours and those that sniff them out. I think he showed admirable restraint. I believe he used very clever phrases, including “nasal rangers,” when he could have used “odour police” or “smelly investigators.” In addition, he added to my political knowledge of the area by showing us that PLC meant Public Liaison Committee and that there was an actual, manned, Elm Street Landfill Site/Compost Facility behind the sign on Elm Street. Also, he supplied the official titles, affiliations, full names and mug shots, of Kaczmarczyk, Marshall, O’Hara and Bodner, very valuable at election time. I had mistakenly thought that George Marshall was in charge of bicycle paths and that he was actively planning to connect Welland to St. Catharines, without having to swim Lake Gibson or risk riding on a major highway.
I’m sure there are others, besides myself, that were stimulated by the subject material, in more ways than one. Personally, I was reminded of the Greek, French and German words for nose, “rhinos,” “nez” and “nas,” the last pronounced “naz,” as in “shnazzola.” Mr. Tayti could have created “rhinopolice,” “nez de gendarme” or “naspolicei,” pronounced, “nazz-polits-EYE.” Perhaps the tribune would have hesitated to print these created words, especially since they can not be found in a dictionary and would be automatically rejected by “spellcheck.”
I was also impressed by the kudos given to the Dain City residents for their very own nasal rangers. Kudos to the Welland Tribune and to Mark Tayti for a job well-done, in downplaying the obvious satirical criticisms that could have been levelled at the politicians and this subject material. Does the City of Welland have a PLC?
Thank you for listening.
Sincerely,
Izzy Sommers.
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 28, 2005
Golf Outing
A Silly Sonnet
By Izzy Sommers
Together the Episcopalians
Outnumbered the austere Australians
At Mrs. Abercrombie’s outer gate
Where tardy golfers were obliged to wait.
The sculptured hedges were completely cleared
And mandatory guidelines were adhered
To by the special new participants
Preventing any subtle dalliance.
The divots raised were promptly placed among
The ever present patriots who’d sung
God Save The Queen before festivities
Included tiny sandwiches with cheese.
This silly sonnet of a tournament
Of high significance was never meant.
THE END
A Silly Sonnet
By Izzy Sommers
Together the Episcopalians
Outnumbered the austere Australians
At Mrs. Abercrombie’s outer gate
Where tardy golfers were obliged to wait.
The sculptured hedges were completely cleared
And mandatory guidelines were adhered
To by the special new participants
Preventing any subtle dalliance.
The divots raised were promptly placed among
The ever present patriots who’d sung
God Save The Queen before festivities
Included tiny sandwiches with cheese.
This silly sonnet of a tournament
Of high significance was never meant.
THE END
Unusual pig
Izzy Sommers, MD[retired]
7-140 Elmview Street, West
Welland, ON L3C 4K7, Canada
TELEPHONE: 905-788-2237
EMAIL: canadizzy@yahoo.ca
Monday, November 28, 2005
The Editor and the Staff
The Welland Tribune
228 East Main Street
Welland, ON L3B 5P5, Canada
7-140 Elmview Street, West
Welland, ON L3C 4K7, Canada
TELEPHONE: 905-788-2237
EMAIL: canadizzy@yahoo.ca
Monday, November 28, 2005
The Editor and the Staff
The Welland Tribune
228 East Main Street
Welland, ON L3B 5P5, Canada
TELEPHONE: 905-732-2411
EMAIL: tribune@wellandtribune.ca
RE: Oxy-moronic porker
EMAIL: tribune@wellandtribune.ca
RE: Oxy-moronic porker
Dear Editor and Staff::
Just this afternoon, I was shopping at a locally owned, well established supermarket, known for it’s fresh produce and high quality of meats. I spotted a package of meat labelled, PORK SHOULDER BUTT STEAK. It looked like a blade steak, something you’d see in a cow, usually called a chuck steak. A butt steak, in a cow is also distinctive, usually round, with a round bone in the middle. I’ve usually been able to spot the “eye of the round” in the middle and know it to be extra tender and tasty. I believe the equivalent in the pig, without the bone, is the ham, but I have seen ham steaks with the little round bone, as well. I was confused and couldn’t imagine the anatomic contortion required to call a steak, a shoulder butt steak in any animal. I thought a mistake had been made and perhaps it should have been a PORK SHOULDER BLADE STEAK.
I asked some of the shoppers and they didn’t know what it was. I asked an employee and she didn’t know, but she was willing to ask a butcher for me. The butcher took the time to come out of the back room and tell me there was no mistake. She didn’t know exactly what it was but she said the government had left her instructions to sell that cut of pig as a PORK SHOULDER BLADE STEAK. She was not, apparently, in a mood to entertain the obvious. Or, she was bound to secrecy and her lips were sealed, rather than pursed, as I perceived them.
I had several thoughts. It is in fact not unusual for the government, or even the courts, to make a decision in favour of something that is not obviously logical. What comes to mind is an old joke about a camel being a horse constructed by a government committee. Optimistically, corrections will be made as time goes on by saner committee members, legislators, senators, cabinet and prime ministers, judges and jurors. Also, since SHOULDER BUTT STEAK seems to be an anatomical oxymoron, the truth will be obvious in a shorter time. Surely, someone will convert it to a de-oxymoron, just as ribonucleic acid, RNA, is converted to de-oxy-ribonucleic acid, DNA. Another far-fetched possibility is that, by genetic modification, a special hybrid pig has been secretly produced, which when butchered, does, in fact, produce a SHOULDER BUTT piece, superior to the cow, and other livestock, which can’t do this. This would tend to prove Sir George Orwell’s satiric speculation in his 1930's book, ANIMAL FARM, wherein the animals revolted and took over a farm. It was an obvious satire of the Russian Revolution. The pigs, led by Napoleon, the head commissar pig, made several illogical rules to show the superiority of the pigs. One was, “All Animals Are Equal But Pigs Are More Equal!”
Thank you for listening.
Sincerely,
Izzy Sommers.
Symetrical Axes
Axes Of Symmetry
A Silly Sonnet
By Izzy Sommers
In Welland, Canada
November, 2005
Asymptomatic individuals
Assimilating asymptotic planes
Behaving like amalgamating sons
Beleaguered bellicose burritos full
Of sibling rivalry and oedipal
Conflicting urges in absentia.
Australia has some aborigines
Who analyse an aftermath of ale
On elevated elephant’s exams
While wondering if wandering is cool.
The apogee of orbital expanse
Leads often to unnecessary stress.
Dispersing all the molecules of this
Effusive sonnet would be welcome bliss.
THE END
A Silly Sonnet
By Izzy Sommers
In Welland, Canada
November, 2005
Asymptomatic individuals
Assimilating asymptotic planes
Behaving like amalgamating sons
Beleaguered bellicose burritos full
Of sibling rivalry and oedipal
Conflicting urges in absentia.
Australia has some aborigines
Who analyse an aftermath of ale
On elevated elephant’s exams
While wondering if wandering is cool.
The apogee of orbital expanse
Leads often to unnecessary stress.
Dispersing all the molecules of this
Effusive sonnet would be welcome bliss.
THE END
Vicissitudes
A Silly Sonnet
By Izzy Sommers
Vicissitudes of vanity are apt
To wear away the veil of self-respect
That has so arduously and so
Delicately woven your official mask.
The filaments of fantasy behove
Us all to re-examen sanity
With cognitive deliberation and
A friend who hesitates to tell a lie.
Denial leads inevitably to
A strongly recommended holiday,
A need for therapy, or otherwise,
Complete remaking of the old disguise.
This oversimplified scenario
Plays very well on any radio.
THE END
A Silly Sonnet
By Izzy Sommers
Vicissitudes of vanity are apt
To wear away the veil of self-respect
That has so arduously and so
Delicately woven your official mask.
The filaments of fantasy behove
Us all to re-examen sanity
With cognitive deliberation and
A friend who hesitates to tell a lie.
Denial leads inevitably to
A strongly recommended holiday,
A need for therapy, or otherwise,
Complete remaking of the old disguise.
This oversimplified scenario
Plays very well on any radio.
THE END
Grabbers and Delayers
7-140 Elmview Street, West
Welland, ON L3C 4K7, Canada
TELEPHONE: 905-788-2237
EMAIL: canadizzy@yahoo.ca
Monday, November 28, 2005
The Editor
The Welland Tribune
228 East Main Street
Welland, ON L3B 5P5, Canada
TELEPHONE: 905-732-2411
EMAIL: tribune@wellandtribune.ca
RE: Delay means Money
Dear Editor and Staff:
The techniques of “Delay,” and “It’ll Take Us A While To Process This,” and “Don’t Expect This To Show Up In Your Account For 10 Business Days,” are well-known to everyone. They are matched by “Grab First and Ask Questions Later,” and “Pay Immediately Upon Receipt Of This Letter,” They are practised by your friends and enemies and those huge institutions we all know, the Government, Insurance Companies, Credit Card Companies and Banks. The “delayers and grabbers” are easily identified by the huge buildings and huge staffs which shows their power and proves their authority.
It is a universal experience that premiums for insurance policies are payable on time, and in full, on the threat that the coverage be cancelled. It is known that the occurrence of late payments for mortgages and credit cards, is “carved in stone,” remembered by banks, insurance companies, credit card companies and governments, reported to each other and frequently penalized. It is also a universal experience that receiving insurance claims and government refunds, government pensions and bank credits, are frequently delayed beyond all reasonable expectations.
Besides the inconvenience, Delay and Grabbing, can embarrass one’s situation, stop money for food and rent, affect one’s credit rating and engender further costs such as overdrawn interest and insufficient funds charges. In my experience, the most aggravating situation is the grabbing from one’s bank account that occurs on Friday while the crediting is not done until after noon on Monday. It is the banks’ policy to do this, most of the time. Often this results in an inability to get funds from the bank which would be closed for the weekend. Moreover, if the result is an overdraft, even an overdraft of less than one dollar, then there is an unreasonable charge to your account. Ironically, this can sometimes be reversed by talking with the bank manager and begging for mercy, especially when it is obvious that it is merely the difference in time between grabbing of funds and delaying of credit. And, it sometimes takes until Tuesday or Wednesday to get to the bank and beseech the manager before your meagre funds become available.
The bank makes money by holding your money even for a few minutes. Imagine if it can hold your money for a day or a week or longer. This is “peanuts” compared to delays in payments of pensions and insurance claims. It is well known that government pensions are delayed 6 months to a year, while labourious, repeated processing is endured. It is suspected that government agencies and insurance companies disregard the first three, or more, claims that are sent to them, citing investigative complications and inaccuracies on complicated forms. Sometimes one needs legal help or political pull to get a claim processed. Sometimes the waste of time and the additional expenses are immense, not to mention the inconveniences and aggravations, premature aging and rises in blood pressure.
If you’ve never done the calculations, you may be surprised how much money is really involved with delaying and grabbing. Suppose that 10,000 Canadians reach their 65th birthday this year. Suppose the combined OAS and CPP payments to them will eventually be about $1,000 monthly. Suppose the average delay will be 10 months, when a lump sum settlement would be paid to the new pensioners. That would amount to about a hundred, million dollars, ($100,000,000.) The interest on that huge amount of money is gained by the government, while the pensioners will be put at a temporary tax disadvantage. They will not be allowed to distribute their income in retrograde monthly amounts, but will be required to pay taxes in full on the lump sum, ironically, as if it was a windfall profit. Thus, the government will be taking your accumulated payments, making tremendous interest, giving it back, partially, with one hand, and taking it back, partially, with the other. Obviously, continuous, huge, windfall profits are gained by the delayers and grabbers, not by us ordinary citizens. Moreover, this is all unavoidable, so long as those that make the policies have authority and power within their tall buildings and with their huge staffs, to continue to do so.
Thank you for listening.
Sincerely,
Izzy Sommers.
SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 27, 2005
TEACHER OF CREATURES
Creature Teacher
A Silly Sonnet
By Izzy Sommers
A teacher taught a creature in Marseilles
To work away and party Saturday.
A lawyer out of Sawyer saved the day
By staving off defendants’ pink toupees.
A pudgy judge, who favoured chocolate fudge,
Got both to trudge, when given half a nudge.
A tall Emir from old Kashmir has fear
He sears his beard when he appears near here.
Reluctantly soliloquies from old
Paris are cancelled out and tend to fold.
It isn’t every day, that Mandalay
Conveys it’s say on what to pay for hay.
O Canada with rhyming couplets can
Pan candelabras made in Pakistan.
THE END
***********************
Nota Bene:
The following 2 lines were not accepted by www.poetry.combecause of “unacceptable” word, or words, which I could not fathom, unless it’s scam or stiff or sniff:
A plaintiff out of Cardiff sniffed a scam
When he was stiffed at pubs in Birmingham.
When he was stiffed at pubs in Birmingham.
As you can see, I substituted the title and the first couplet in the original sonnet and it became “acceptable.” I will try and do this another time to find out to what word or words poetry.com objected. As the poem was repeatedly rejected, I thought it wasfudge, then Emir, then Kashmir and then Pakistan, but they were acceptable. I am pretty sure they won’t accept fuck orcunt, neither word acceptable by the raunchiest of limerick publishers. I haven’t tried shit or piss, fellatio orcunnilingus. I know I’ve gotten damn, nuts, balls, orgiesand hell through, but never tried dam, ass, schmuck, putz, orscrew. I wonder what they’d do with words like erection, teats, tits, pussy, cum, denigrate, nigger, kike, tumescence andejaculation About a month ago, the word “coot” was not accepted and I substituted “fruit” which was. Perhaps “coot” has a pejorative connotation that is obscene or is politically incorrect because it derogates senior citizens. I know “coon” is prejudicial to Afro-Americans.
Wild Turkeys
WATCHING FOR WILD TURKEYS
An Essay
By Izzy Sommers
For November, 2005
In Welland, Canada
An Essay
By Izzy Sommers
For November, 2005
In Welland, Canada
I’d heard many things about the abundance of the Wild Turkey in the USA and how it was almost chosen over the Bald Eagle as the American National Bird. It would have been on all the government stationary and all the huge plaques on government buildings, as well as on all the money and speaker stands. I’ve actually seen one Wild Turkey on Interstate 90, between Buffalo, NY and Erie Pennsylvania, early one Saturday morning, about 4 years ago. Reader’s Digest’s BIRDS OF CANADA, ISBN 1-55363-032-7, published in China, latest edition 2004, describes the Wild Turkey, in text and pictures, on page 195 in the 684 page book. Optimistically, like the Bald Eagle and many other birds, they’re coming back from near extinction and are now protected from hunters. I’m hopeful to be seeing more of them in the future.
The tiny map shown of North America on that page, shows that one has a chance of sighting a Wild Turkey in the USA between the Atlantic Coast and the Rockies, between the Canadian and Mexican borders. This is despite the fact that the title of the book says, Birds of CANADA. Other small areas of land west of the American Rockies and south of the Mexican-American border are also indicated. Leamington Ontario’s Point Pelee and Lake Erie’s Pelee Island, famous for bird watchers from all over the Ontario, Canada, USA and the world, doesn’t seem to have Wild Turkeys. To be fair, a tiny area of land in British Columbia, east of the Rockies, at the border with the USA, and a minuscule nubbin of land of Eastern Ontario, between Kingston and Ottawa, at the border with the USA, are highlighted on the map, showing distribution of the bird.
I hesitated to guess that the book was indicating that there were Wild Turkeys of Another Sort, in Ottawa. However, in support of the book, I have seen such Wild Turkeys of Another Sort, in Ottawa. They gobble a lot, and often all at once. Sometimes they’re shown on television, especially lately, when there seems to be a territorial dispute going on for control of land all across Canada. In this area, on Elm Street, between Port Colborne and Welland, at night, they drive, without lights, flying at 120 kpm, on the wrong side of the road. Perhaps I should write to the publishers and get them to include this data. Perhaps, they can put a highlight, in the Niagara Peninsula, in Toronto and Ottawa, and elsewhere in Canada, where gobbles and flies, this special variant of the Wild Turkey. I believe it has also been increasing in numbers. Thus we can eventually see more of them in Canada and don’t have to go to the USA, where there are already plenty of them.
THE END
SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 2005
Switzerland From Italy
From Genoa To Berne
By Izzy Sommers
From Genoa, we took the Autostrada
To Milan and Florence, heading for
The Alps. Perhaps you’ve driven on this route
Yourself, or seen it in a travelogue,
Or in a James Bond film. If not, you can’t
Imagine just how beautiful it is.
Perchance you have a moment now to close
Your eyes and see it in your mind. The lakes
At Como and Lugano, Italy,
Are featured by surrounding palm trees, and
Oases-like, despite their mountain sites.
In crossing into Switzerland, there’s lakes
And glaciers and the Aare River source
And castles and the path that Garibaldi
Took to conquer Europe. Hairpin turns
Are harrowing and yet the sights are worth
It all. It’s picturesque in Interlaken,
Like a fairy tale from there to Berne.
A million very pretty postcard views,
From Genoa to Berne, stave off the blues.
THE END
By Izzy Sommers
From Genoa, we took the Autostrada
To Milan and Florence, heading for
The Alps. Perhaps you’ve driven on this route
Yourself, or seen it in a travelogue,
Or in a James Bond film. If not, you can’t
Imagine just how beautiful it is.
Perchance you have a moment now to close
Your eyes and see it in your mind. The lakes
At Como and Lugano, Italy,
Are featured by surrounding palm trees, and
Oases-like, despite their mountain sites.
In crossing into Switzerland, there’s lakes
And glaciers and the Aare River source
And castles and the path that Garibaldi
Took to conquer Europe. Hairpin turns
Are harrowing and yet the sights are worth
It all. It’s picturesque in Interlaken,
Like a fairy tale from there to Berne.
A million very pretty postcard views,
From Genoa to Berne, stave off the blues.
THE END
Escarpment
Escarpment View
A Sonnet by Izzy Sommers
There is a place in Hamilton atop
Escarpment’s edge. It has a view of
Lake Ontario that is spectacular.
The Skyway wasn’t there when dad and I
Would scale the hill on foot, or on our
Bicycles, on Sunday mornings. Hardly did
We ever say a word. The climb itself
Would be impossible for me, today.
Beyond the Skyway stretches Burlington
And Oakville and Toronto. Lakers on
The water and the boxcars in the railroad
Yards are not too different from the olden
Days when dad and I could see the sights
A hundred years ago, on silent nights.
THE END
A Sonnet by Izzy Sommers
There is a place in Hamilton atop
Escarpment’s edge. It has a view of
Lake Ontario that is spectacular.
The Skyway wasn’t there when dad and I
Would scale the hill on foot, or on our
Bicycles, on Sunday mornings. Hardly did
We ever say a word. The climb itself
Would be impossible for me, today.
Beyond the Skyway stretches Burlington
And Oakville and Toronto. Lakers on
The water and the boxcars in the railroad
Yards are not too different from the olden
Days when dad and I could see the sights
A hundred years ago, on silent nights.
THE END
Joseph's Tale
Joseph’s Tale
An Essay by Izzy Sommers,
Welland, Canada, November, 2005
I have a copy of the REVISED STANDARD VERSION of THE BIBLE, containing the Old and New Testaments translated from the Original Languages, being the version set forth A. D. 1611, Revised A. D. 1881-5 and A. D. 1901, Compared with the Most Ancient Authorities and Revised A. D. 1952, second edition of the New Testament, A. D. 1971. It is published by the CANADIAN BIBLE SOCIETY, 10 Carnforth Road, Toronto, Ontario, M4A 2S4, ISBN-0-88834-605-0, CBS-1987-5M.
This morning, Saturday, November 26, 2005, I happened to open the Bible at Genesis, chapter 39. I found that it had 23 verses, altogether. Joseph, having been abandoned and left for dead by his Hebrew brothers, had been enslaved by the Ishmaelites who sold him to the Egyptians, specifically Potiphar, an officer of the Pharaoh. Ironically, Joseph’s grandfather was Isaac, Abraham’s official son, born of Sarah Leah, Abraham’s official wife, when she was about a hundred years old. Ishmael, the grand originator of the Ishmaelites, was also Abraham’s son, though unofficially, born of the nubile Hagar, Abraham’s unofficial mistress, originally Abraham’s and Sarah’s housekeeper. Joseph did well and was made the trusted overseer of Potiphar’s house.An Essay by Izzy Sommers,
Welland, Canada, November, 2005
I have a copy of the REVISED STANDARD VERSION of THE BIBLE, containing the Old and New Testaments translated from the Original Languages, being the version set forth A. D. 1611, Revised A. D. 1881-5 and A. D. 1901, Compared with the Most Ancient Authorities and Revised A. D. 1952, second edition of the New Testament, A. D. 1971. It is published by the CANADIAN BIBLE SOCIETY, 10 Carnforth Road, Toronto, Ontario, M4A 2S4, ISBN-0-88834-605-0, CBS-1987-5M.
Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at history and God’s Ways, the young Hebrew, Joseph, was both good-looking and handsome. Potiphar’s wife repeatedly asked Joseph to lie with her and he repeatedly refused on righteous grounds. Left alone, finally, she grabbed his garment away from him, demanding, “Lie with me!” He fled, leaving her holding his garment. She screamed that Joseph the Hebrew had insulted her and her husband and her household by wanting to lie with her. She lamented to all her household, including her husband, showing them Joseph’s garment. Potiphar had no choice but to have Joseph imprisoned.
Fortunately, or unfortunately, Joseph’s reputation preceded him and his behaviour, and talents, impressed the prison keeper, who committed to Joseph’s care all the other prisoners. He was known to be the supervising prisoner who was the successful doer who engendered prosperity.
These are the mostly plagiarized, Ten Morals of Izzy Sommers:
* Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned.
* Cream always rises to the top.
* God works in mysterious ways.
* Things haven’t changed in 2,500 years.
* A lamenting woman is a dangerous one.
* A righteous man can get into trouble.
* God helps those that help themselves.
* It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.
* A word is worth a thousand pictures.
* History is written by the victors.
In Chapter 40 of Genesis, which also has 23 verses, Joseph comes to be the overseer of two of the Pharaoh’s servants, the butler and the baker. They have been imprisoned because they angered the King of Egypt for unspecified reasons. Both the chief butler and the chief baker have dreams, the predictions of which are interpreted accurately by Joseph. The chief butler is released from prison, and is rehired by the King, as predicted by Joseph. But, the butler doesn’t remember Joseph to the Pharaoh, as Joseph had requested. The chief baker is released from prison, and is hanged by the King, as predicted by Joseph.
In Chapter 41 of Genesis, which has 57 verses, Joseph is 2 years older and is finally remembered to the King by the chief butler when the Pharaoh has an odd dream involving fat and skinny cows. Joseph is released from the prison by the King to interpret his dream. Joseph is confident and says that his God has revealed the future to the Pharaoh. Accurately, he predicts there will be seven years of plenty followed by seven years of famine. The King of Egypt makes Joseph his right-hand man, the overseer of the Land of Egypt, a kind of Prime Minister or President, answering only to the King. He dresses him in fine clothes, gives him the signet ring of authority, gives him a gold necklace and tells him to ride in the second chariot, the first presumably being for the King, himself. The King made everyone bow to Joseph. He dubbed him Zaphenathpaneah. He gave him Asenath in marriage, the daughter of Potiphera, the Priest of On, ironically closely related to Joseph’s original Egyptian master, Potipher, who had imprisoned him unjustifiably when his wife lied to him.
By this time, Joseph was over 30. He oversaw the growing and storage of grain in every Egyptian city, in huge, inestimable quantities. He and Asenath had 2 sons, Menassah and Ephraim. Though there was famine everywhere else, there was none in Egypt because of Joseph. Not only did he have bread for every Egyptian, he had grain to sell to foreigners.
Chapter 42 of Genesis has 38 verses. It starts the story of the interplay of Joseph with his estranged father and brothers who come to Egypt to buy grain. Chapter 43 has 34 verses and Chapter 44 has 33 verses. Chapter 45 has 28 and 46, 34; 47 has 31 and 48, 22.
Chapter 50 of Genesis has 26 verses. He and his father’s house, the House of Jacob, were re-united in Egypt and were doing well. Joseph lived 110 years and had seen Ephraim’s children in the third generation and Manasseh’s in the second generation. On his death bed, he predicted to his brothers that God will visit them and bring them out of Egypt to the land promised to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, his father, grandfather and great grandfather. He requested that his bones be taken with them to the Promised Land. He died and was embalmed and was put in a coffin in Egypt. It doesn’t say, but he was not necessarily buried. He could have been honoured by being put in a pyramid or other mausoleum, in a sarcophagus, perhaps, which would have allowed his bones to be transported, later, as he had requested.
This is the end of the first Book of the Old Testament, Genesis. On the next page there is the story of Moses and the Exodus, starting with the lineage and the changing of the favouring of Joseph’s family to the persecution of the Jews. None of the Egyptian records even mentions the Jews. It is conceivable that Joseph was, in fact, a kind of Prime Minister or President, or something like the Minister of Agriculture. Looking ahead, it is conceivable that the Jews were the slaves and workers, or even important engineers, who designed or built the pyramids. Inasmuch as the actual Pentateuch was presumably written by Aaron and Moses at the direction of God, or by God himself, one can only guess at the actual jobs and positions the Jews pursued, other than Moses, himself, who for a while was a prince in the Pharaoh’s castle. In the sense of the beseeching lament, “Let My People Go!” the Jews were presumably slaves of the Egyptians. Again, presumably, like slaves elsewhere, there were opportunities for gaining freedom to some degree. Thus, I believe, that some Jews had more freedom than others. Some, like Joseph and Moses, might have achieved high status. Reading and calculating, music and writing, Jewish traditions which are highly valued, might have proven very useful to the Egyptians, as they have to other peoples, over the centuries.
The Morals:
People sin. They kill and steal, covet and cheat. They worship false idols and use profanity. They don’t honour their neighbours, or their parents. People are often angry and lustful, prideful and lazy, gluttonous, jealous and greedy.
Joseph... wait! The Ten Commandments are coming. “Love your God with all your heart,” is coming. “Love they neighbour as thyself,” is coming. The 613 Rules and Regulations of Exodus, Numbers, Leviticus and Deuteronomy are coming. The money lenders are going to be thrown out of the Synagogues. The 93 Protestations of Martin Luther in Wittenberg, Germany, and the King James’ Bible in London, England, Jesus and Mohammed, Buddha and Gandhi, Gibron and Esther, Daniel and Billy Graham, Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, Martin Luther King and Rosa Parks, Marcello Maestroianni and Sophia Loren, Samson and Delilah, David and Bathsheba, Solomon and the Queen of Sheba, Peter and Paul and Peter, Paul and Mary, and many others are coming. Floods, fire, earthquakes, meteorites, atomic bombs, wars, bloodshed, years of plenty, years of famine, Google and Windows, income and property taxes, sales and inheritance taxes, pestilence, and winds are on their way.
Izzy’s Ten Morals will still apply. Thank you for listening.
THE END
FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 25, 2005
A Chicken Poked...
A Chicken Poked...
A Silly Ode by Izzy Sommers, Welland, Canada, November, 2005
A chicken poked a lemur’s femur, and
Some platypuses aggravated many
Hippopotamuses humeri.
An adder punched an armadillo in
The bladder with his pussy willow, and
A wildebeest can feast on yeast when least
Expected to release the keister of a beast
Of burden and his handy mandible.
The ulnae and the radii are much
Like tibiae and fibulae. Perhaps
You’ve recognized a few in ducks
Or geese or chickens.
Would you prefer to poke a lemur with
A chicken femur or would you demur?
Would you provoke tyrannosaurus rex?
Another placid platypus adjusted
By an orthopaedic octopus...
A Silly Ode by Izzy Sommers, Welland, Canada, November, 2005
A chicken poked a lemur’s femur, and
Some platypuses aggravated many
Hippopotamuses humeri.
An adder punched an armadillo in
The bladder with his pussy willow, and
A wildebeest can feast on yeast when least
Expected to release the keister of a beast
Of burden and his handy mandible.
The ulnae and the radii are much
Like tibiae and fibulae. Perhaps
You’ve recognized a few in ducks
Or geese or chickens.
Would you prefer to poke a lemur with
A chicken femur or would you demur?
Would you provoke tyrannosaurus rex?
Another placid platypus adjusted
By an orthopaedic octopus...
Aging is Expensive
Aging is Expensive
An Essay by Izzy Sommers, Welland, Canada, November, 2005
An Essay by Izzy Sommers, Welland, Canada, November, 2005
Yesterday, Thursday, November 24, 2005, you published a front page article with a photograph, “Seniors’ centre looks at expansion,” by GREG FURMINGER, Tribune Staff. It was scary. In the first sentence there was a threat: “Plans are afoot for a $3-million expansion... “ In the third paragraph, it says that the Rose City Seniors’ Activity Centre was built for 500, that there’s now 1300 members, and that there may be 2,500 members by 2007. I believe at least three times, or more, that many folks over the age of 50 stay away from the Centre because of what it costs to belong, and play, there. Some members are happy to volunteer to work for the city. Others grumble that the City is making a profit “on their backs.”
Welland has a growing population of about 60,000 at this time, I believe. Just a few years ago, it was 45,000, approximately. I’m guessing that the changing social and economic conditions of lower birth rates, lower marriage rates, lower employment opportunities, pressure for 2 income families leaving seniors to fend for themselves if they live with their children, and quiet community conditions favouring settlement here after retirement, will make the senior population one quarter to one third of the population, say 15,000 to 20,000 over the age of 50. This means that whatever the feasibility studies show, the numbers presented above grossly underestimate the size of the population which could avail themselves of a seniors’ activity centre.
The scary aspects are many:
(1) Almost all building estimates by any government are under-estimates, in the long run. A projected cost of $3,000,000 could easily turn out to be $6,000,000, in reality.
(2) The under-estimation of the population of seniors means that, within short order, someone will propose more expansion, perhaps adding another $6,000,000, if only in inflationary rises.
(3) Using the numbers quoted in the article, the cost per elderly person could be about $2,400. In my experience with estimates, this could be more like $7,200 to $9,600 per senior.
As a donation, these moneys, could mean that each and every one of the seniors could afford a high quality used car, meals for one or two years or more, or several trips to inexpensive places. As a cost, this would be prohibitive, assuming most elderly folks are on fixed pensions that could hardly accommodate these numbers, even if it were only a one time cost, which it usually isn’t. Someone has to pay for all of these projects, the initial ones and the expansive ones. Wonder of wonders, it’s always us, the people who buy your newspapers, the folks who pay taxes, the folks who make charitable donations, and the folks that volunteer to help out. And, as indicated, it always costs us more than the original estimates.
Articles of this sort are scarier, from a cost point of view, than many of the more spectacular articles about murder and theft. It usually means the tightening of our belts, yet another notch, and the filling of government coffers and political pockets.
Thank you for listening.
The End
THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 24, 2005
What's In A Name?
What’s In A Name?
A Poem by Izzy Sommers in Welland, Canada, for November, 2005
I had a friend named Schimmelpfennig. He
Was into genealogy and taught
Me that his name meant rusty penny. I
Had known that prior to my father coming
To America, his name was Sommerstein,
Or summer stone. My neighbour’s name
Was Wassermann or water man. I realized
The meanings of the names were often
Buried in antiquity, but it’s
Been fun ascribing features to such folks
As Schwarzkopf, Mahler, Mueller and a
Schiefelbein, because of meaning black head,
Painter, miller and a gimpy leg. I hope
We don’t convert to numbers. Names are fun.
When one can see that Beauregard, Leroy,
Deschamps and Kimmelbrod mean pretty look,
The king, some fields and caraway in bread,
It makes the conversation interesting.
In contrast, dull it be, if you were Mr. Eight,
Or Mrs. Hundred Twenty Six,
Ms. Ninety Seven Thousand Seven Hundred
Forty Five, or Dr. Nine Eight Seven
Six Five Four Three Two One. Imagine all
Six billion people having to be numbered.
Kids and people, being what they are,
Would secretly begin some better names, like
Pinhead, Snotnose, Grump and Pigeon-toed.
Perhaps a poet would compose an ode.
THE END
Me that his name meant rusty penny. I
Had known that prior to my father coming
To America, his name was Sommerstein,
Or summer stone. My neighbour’s name
Was Wassermann or water man. I realized
The meanings of the names were often
Buried in antiquity, but it’s
Been fun ascribing features to such folks
As Schwarzkopf, Mahler, Mueller and a
Schiefelbein, because of meaning black head,
Painter, miller and a gimpy leg. I hope
We don’t convert to numbers. Names are fun.
When one can see that Beauregard, Leroy,
Deschamps and Kimmelbrod mean pretty look,
The king, some fields and caraway in bread,
It makes the conversation interesting.
In contrast, dull it be, if you were Mr. Eight,
Or Mrs. Hundred Twenty Six,
Ms. Ninety Seven Thousand Seven Hundred
Forty Five, or Dr. Nine Eight Seven
Six Five Four Three Two One. Imagine all
Six billion people having to be numbered.
Kids and people, being what they are,
Would secretly begin some better names, like
Pinhead, Snotnose, Grump and Pigeon-toed.
Perhaps a poet would compose an ode.
THE END
Interpreting Dreams
INTERPRETING DREAMS
An Essay by Izzy Sommers in Welland, Ontario, for November, 2005
Suppose Freud was correct. He proposed that dreams were merely wishes, or negative wishes, which are fears, and that a simple analysis of a dream was that it was a wish or fear distorted by the sleep state which has no input from the senses, vision, hearing, etc. He felt the wish or fear was something experienced during the preceding day, or two, which the brain processed during sleep. Thus, he said, a simple interpretation of every dream was thatAn Essay by Izzy Sommers in Welland, Ontario, for November, 2005
(1) it was a wish or a fear,
(2) it was distorted and
(3) it reflected something from the past 24 hours.
For example, suppose you came across a picture of your favourite uncle who had died 20 years ago. The dream you might have is that you are having a Thanksgiving dinner, like the one your mother used to make 40 years ago, and that amongst the guests is your favourite uncle, who liked to tickle you when you were young and he is tickling and making you laugh. You might wake up with a smile on your face and a warm fuzzy in your heart. You would logically say that
(1) I wish I could see my uncle again,
(2) the dream was distorted in time and place and
(3) it was that picture of my uncle that stimulated the dream.
Or, suppose, the bank sent you a letter that there was a mistake in your account, and that you unexpectedly owed $1,234.56, which was payable immediately. You might have a nightmare that you were in prison, crying and lamenting, having lost your family and your business, your house and your car, your freedom and your credit-worthiness. You might awake sweating and depressed until you realize that
(1) You are afraid your financial situation is precarious,
(2) the nightmare is a distortion because you’re not in prison and
(3) it was yesterday’s letter from the bank that was the culprit.
In both the pleasant dream and the nightmare, above, there are deeper layers of interpretation that would come out with further analysis. I might ask, for example, if there was an extra-special, less than obvious, relationship between and your uncle, or is there someone close to you, that loved you, or hated you, that warned you that imprisonment was a possibility.
Suppose Freud was incorrect. Suppose dreams do come from the spiritual world. Suppose angels or devils are making you have happy dreams or nightmares. Suppose it was the good food or the indigestion that causes dreams. Suppose dreams are predictive and full of premonitions. Suppose all the speculations about the meaning and power of dreams are correct, no matter what Freud said. Then, it would have been true that
(1) the Pharoh’s dream did predict 7 years of plenty and 7 years of famine
(2) your dead uncle came to tickle you and make you laugh, or
(3) you are definitely going to debtor’s prison unjustifiably for your insignificant debts.
Personally, I chose to follow Freud’s idea. It makes more sense to me and belies ideas of prediction and extrasensory perception, ghosts and things that go bump in the night. However, I admit that the spiritual possibilities and the connection to one's bowels, are intriguing and more interesting, rather more like the movies, Lord of the Rings and Cape Fear as opposed to Straight-liners and Sybil. What do you think?
THE END
WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 23, 2005
Rosa Parks Tribute
THE TRIBUTE TO ROSA PARKS
An Essay
By Izzy Sommers
For November, 2005
In Welland, Canada
An Essay
By Izzy Sommers
For November, 2005
In Welland, Canada
The tribute to Rosa Parks in Washington, DC, by our American neighbours, is a wonderful event for everyone, Americans, Canadians and people around the world. The tribulations of groups of people, in the minority, in many countries has been well-documented and is a horrible indictment of those countries. Perhaps the USA, Germany, Iraq and South Africa were the worst offenders but Canada and the UK and others, are not innocent. Some countries, like Brazil and Dominican Republic, have succeeded in integration in ways that are amazing, in comparison to most countries, and are to be commended, and emulated. Overall, today's atmosphere is a lot less offensive, but the potential for discrimination seems to be close to the surface. Civil rights of all people are better protected today than ever before in history, but examples of infringement of those rights are exposed, daily.
Here in Welland, Ontario, Canada, there is an uneasy, relatively friendly peace between the three large, ethnic, Christian groups, English, French and Italian, who have well-established neighbourhoods and churches. Most people get along with their neighbours and little by way of challenge to civil rights is made. There is little by way of graffiti, or other defacement of property, that is ethnically offensive. Other Christian groups, such as Hungarians, Poles and Germans, are well accepted. Some have their own churches and small neighbourhoods. Afro-Canadians and Moslems are small in number, but slowly rising in population. As yet, there is no mosque here. Jewish folks have dwindled from over 50 families to under 15 people, and the two synagogues that were here, and active, 50 years ago, have disappeared.
I don't believe Canada has the equivalent of a person like Rosa Parks, who quietly and bravely took a stand for Afro-Americans, and all minority groups, that started a dramatic change in policy. I'm positive there were many quiet and brave folks who did take unheralded stands for civil rights for everyone. The present uneasy relationship between the Francophiles and the Anglophiles might actually result in civil war, or it's equivalent, soon. Disturbingly, the powers that be in the Province of Quebec and the Bloc Quebecois have recently proposed the formation of a small army and are encouraging a new referendum for separation. I had thought that Jean Charest might be the perfect mediator. Perhaps he was initially when he jumped from the PC's and federal politics to the Liberals and provincial politics. He has become the Prime Minister, but his effectiveness as a pacifist has diminished, apparently, in the past few months.
Congratulations to the USA for their honouring of Rosa Parks as an icon of civil rights for their country. She is the first non-president, non-male, ordinary Afro-American citizen, to lie in state in the rotunda of the Capital Building. Congratulations to Ms. Parks and her kith and kin, who must be very proud of her. We can all be very proud of her! She deserves all the thanks we can give her for doing something which helped to reverse gross unfairness in her country, and in many other countries, including Canada.
THE END
LEADERSHIP
RESPONSIBLE LEADERSHIP
A Silly Sonnet
By Izzy Sommers
For November, 2005
In Welland, Canada
In view of Esterhazy’s tendencies
To promulgate impossible decrees,
The populace of Camelot am Nod
Ignored the summons on Saint Simon’s Pod
To cast away their red felt hats and lean
Instead to purple polka-dotted green
Berets, displayed in Saint Bartholomew’s
Olde Haberdashery & Salmon Mews
For non-expectant mothers and their dads
Who satisfied the latest modes and fads.
Arrests were made and prosecutions had
For inappropriateness, good and bad,
Of underwear and outerwear, in plaid,
In those who entertained an undergrad.
THE END
A Silly Sonnet
By Izzy Sommers
For November, 2005
In Welland, Canada
In view of Esterhazy’s tendencies
To promulgate impossible decrees,
The populace of Camelot am Nod
Ignored the summons on Saint Simon’s Pod
To cast away their red felt hats and lean
Instead to purple polka-dotted green
Berets, displayed in Saint Bartholomew’s
Olde Haberdashery & Salmon Mews
For non-expectant mothers and their dads
Who satisfied the latest modes and fads.
Arrests were made and prosecutions had
For inappropriateness, good and bad,
Of underwear and outerwear, in plaid,
In those who entertained an undergrad.
THE END
TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 22, 2005
Silver Samovar
A Silver Samovar
A Silly Sonnet
By Izzy Sommers
For November, 2005
In Welland, Canada
A gleaming silver samovar held hot
Black Russian tea that Anastasia Romanov
Had served. She changed my blue to rose.
She showed me eggs that Faberge had made.
Tchaikovsky’s Pathetique was played for me.
I would have lingered more had not a knock
Come at the door. ‘Twas Alexander Borodin
And Anastasia let him in.
Excitedly, he spoke to her in Russian.
Then, she turned to me and said, “Please leave.
I have to go and hear it for myself.
The Bolshoi royal box can not accommodate
You, too.” My blue returned. Can you
Compete with chemists who write music, too?
THE END
A Silly Sonnet
By Izzy Sommers
For November, 2005
In Welland, Canada
A gleaming silver samovar held hot
Black Russian tea that Anastasia Romanov
Had served. She changed my blue to rose.
She showed me eggs that Faberge had made.
Tchaikovsky’s Pathetique was played for me.
I would have lingered more had not a knock
Come at the door. ‘Twas Alexander Borodin
And Anastasia let him in.
Excitedly, he spoke to her in Russian.
Then, she turned to me and said, “Please leave.
I have to go and hear it for myself.
The Bolshoi royal box can not accommodate
You, too.” My blue returned. Can you
Compete with chemists who write music, too?
THE END
Government of Ontario Advertizing
7-140 Elmview Street, West
Welland, ON L3C 4K7, Canada
TEL: 905-788-2237
EMAIL: canadizzy@yahoo.ca
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
The Editor
The Welland Tribune
228 East Main Street
Welland, ON L3B 5P5, Canada
EMAIL: tribune@wellandtribune.ca
RE: advertizing by the Government of Ontario
Dear Editor,
A few minutes ago, the announcer on Cogeco Channel 7, CITY-TV, closed the advertizing flurry of about 2 minutes by quietly declaring that, "This programme is brought to you by the Government of Ontario." There were no additional comments, requests or encouragements regarding a product or a service. What gives?
As far as I know, the structure of the Ontario Provincial Government is set down by law and allows no other organization to govern Ontario. This makes Ontario a monopoly. All moneys are collected by Revenue Ontario and I believe, except for shared money from the Canadian Government, funds collected by Revenue Canada. As far as I know, Ontario, and Canada, are allowed to levy new taxes, and increase old taxes, to cover it's expenses. Since both Canada and Ontario chronically spend more than they collect, they are in deep debt most of the time and are therefore committed to borrowing money and paying interest. They are also allowed to reduce old taxes and abolish established tax programmes. This happens, but it's rare. Tax collection is very serious and the imposition of penalties and interest and the padlocking and seizure of properties and businesses are real threats and realities. This a source of income for governments. Profits are prohibited and frowned upon by governments and citizens, alike. What is allowed, however, is a technique, "Delay," used by insurance companies and banks. This technique makes a lot of money for governments, insurance companies and banks. Demanding taxes immediately while delaying, or even denying, payouts, like pensions and medical benefits, makes millions, perhaps billions of dollars, on a continual basis. Perhaps “Delay” is what keeps the government from declaring bankruptcy. Perhaps that’s what represents their “Deep Pockets.” Private businesses cannot do this for years and years and would have had to close without such “Deep Pockets.”
So what's the government doing advertizing itself when there's no competition? Is this just a small part of the "waste" and "overhead" which seems to be the tradition in most governments? Are they cold-bloodedly advertizing bankrupt, inefficient and collapsing health, welfare, pension, drug control and education programmes, as if to hoodwink the taxpayer to think he, or she, is getting a bang for his, or her, buck? Are they subtly advertizing how efficient they are in collecting taxes and creating huge debts, simultaneously? Are they advertizing some of their successful money-making schemes like taxes on booze, gambling, gasoline and cigarettes, thereby encouraging us to participate? Is it an ironic mistake that one, or more, of our legislators who imagine that the government is a farsighted, creative, bound to be successful entrepreneurial organization? Have I and my fellow citizens, somehow missed the concept that we should be proud of the enrichment of some, or all, of our members of parliament, at our expense?
I believe it is illogical for the Government of Ontario to advertize. In the old vernacular, there's nothing in it for me, or for us! In fact, it may be detrimental to us in terms of what it’ll cost us. Local, interprovincial and international tourism is a worthwhile idea for which to advertize, but the announcer didn’t mention it. Though it's true that Ontario is a beautiful place and a relatively peaceful and bountiful place in which to live and to which to visit, the policies of the Government are actually threatening to make it otherwise. Advertizing by them is part of that threat...
Thank you for listening.
Sincerely,
Izzy Sommers, Welland, Canada
TIME AND DATE CORRECTION
The 2 preceding entries, NOVEMBER 27, 804 and SANTA BABY, were actually made just a few minutes ago. The time and date was adjusted incorrectly by me because I hadn't noticed that there had been an interruption in the calender/clock electronic circuits... I think.
Thanks for listening.
Sincerely,
Izzy.
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 21, 2005
NOVEMBER 27, 804
November 27, 804
A Silly Sonnet
By Izzy Sommers
In Welland, Canada
For November, 2005
November twenty-seventh, eight-oh-four,
Superiority, a warrior,
Was smitten by the princess, Mooing Cow,
And having searched his soul, he wondered how
Her father, Oriole, the chief, would take
Proposals from a rival Bellyache.
The problem was resolved when Oriole
Lost all his able men to Fishing Pole,
And had to come to Bellyache to choose
A son-in-law for Mooing Cow or lose
The chances for his tribe, the Cardinals,
To be successful in Niagara Falls.
Superiority wed Mooing Cow
Creating peace and settlement, some how.
THE END
A Silly Sonnet
By Izzy Sommers
In Welland, Canada
For November, 2005
November twenty-seventh, eight-oh-four,
Superiority, a warrior,
Was smitten by the princess, Mooing Cow,
And having searched his soul, he wondered how
Her father, Oriole, the chief, would take
Proposals from a rival Bellyache.
The problem was resolved when Oriole
Lost all his able men to Fishing Pole,
And had to come to Bellyache to choose
A son-in-law for Mooing Cow or lose
The chances for his tribe, the Cardinals,
To be successful in Niagara Falls.
Superiority wed Mooing Cow
Creating peace and settlement, some how.
THE END
SANTA BABY
SANTA BABY!
An Essay
By Izzy Sommers
For November, 2005
In Welland, Canada
An Essay
By Izzy Sommers
For November, 2005
In Welland, Canada
There’s an eccentric, overweight, white-bearded elderly bicyclist around town that wears a Santa Claus hat. He is disturbing to passers-by, pedestrians and drivers and exiting to children on bicycles, scooters, on foot and in cars. He gets shouts and smiles from some. He is ignored by others. He gets horn-honking from others.
I spoke to him at the stop-lights and corner of Wellington and East Main Streets, about eight o’clock, yesterday morning. Many students and teachers were using the corner to get to the large schools in the area. Many of them drove through the Tim Horton’s for the pick-me-up coffee and doughnuts. Many of the other adults were on their way to work in the huge Canadian Tire office buildings and the other businesses behind Horton’s.
“Merry Christmas,” he said, looking over the top of his half-glasses.
“Merry Christmas,” I replied. “Why are you waiting so long to cross the intersection?” I asked.
“This is a dangerous corner under ordinary circumstances,” he replied. He went on, “People crane their necks to see a Santa, in November, on a bicycle. They smile but they don’t watch the oncoming or turning traffic. They don’t respect me as a bicyclist, especially if they’re late.. And, that’s both the students and the teachers!”
“Bummer!” I said.
“It’s OK,” he replied. “It helps me with my sociological observations.”
“Huh?” I asked with a stupid look on my face and a stupid thought on my mind.
“Yes,” he said, “The responses to my appearance nicely separates the men from the boys and the youngsters from the young adults and the old adults and the preschool children from the school children and the high school students and teachers from the elementary school students and teachers.” He made a dash for the south-east corner when the light turned orange, mounting his bicycle in the style of a cowboy mounting his horse. He shouted back at me, “Anyone over the age of 65 gets aggravated and suggests I’m pushing it by wearing a Santa hat in October.” A driver making a right-hand turn just as the light turned red, hadn’t noticed him and just missed him He waved to me, triumphantly, as he pedalled safely unto the side-walk.
I considered Santa’s comments and behaviour. I wondered if Lady Godiva would have caused less of a disturbance, at that intersection, at that time of the morning. I wondered if she would have separated the men from the boys. I wondered if she would have gotten more horn honks than Santa. I moved along. My coffee was getting cold and the chocolate on my donut was sticking to the bag and coming off the donut. Besides, a 16 wheeler was making a right hand turn and threatened to run over my toes as it narrowly missed the curb in an expertly made wide turn. An attractive, youthful, high school teacher, of oriental heritage, honked at me angrily because her coffee was getting cold, because the maple icing on her donut was losing it’s grip, and because my position in the cross walk was stopping her from running the red light on her way to Eastdale High School, before the bell rang. Or, maybe, it was my Santa hat, my half-glasses and my white beard.
Or, perhaps, it was because I was French-Canadian and used the term, “de pate au Chinois,” or “pate Chinois,” to refer to the “Shepherd’s pie” I’d eaten last night. Actually, I also say, “des patates frites,” instead of “des pommes frites, ou French fries!” That’s it! That’s probably it... Maybe, that's it... or, not!
THE END
Water Buffalo
A Merry Water Buffalo
A Silly Sonnet
By Izzy Sommers
In Welland, Canada
For November, 2005
I need another line, iambic, please.
It need not rhyme or bring me to my knees.
I'm writing odes. They're often incomplete.
It’s not like dancers having two left feet.
It’s more like lancers halving charging fees.
It makes no sense to end a verse with rhyme.
It is so tense to buy a purse on time.
So silly is this poem, not worth a dime,
That mountains are not worth the bruising climb,
And Mozart’s music is not most sublime.
So, paint a cherry on your little toe.
Go taint a merry water buffalo.
Grow faint and you will stop the evening flow.
Rotate your tires ere Michelangelo.
THE END
Faith, Hope and Charity
Faith, Hope and Charity
An Essay
By Izzy Sommers
In Welland, Canada
For November, 2005
An Essay
By Izzy Sommers
In Welland, Canada
For November, 2005
The triad of Faith, Hope and Charity, reflects Christianity as much as “Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Jews, INRI, IHS, Alpha and Omega, Chi Rho, Ichthys, and Love Thy Neighbour As Thyself.” Recently, I have been saddened by some of my contacts with Christians, prominent Christians in my community, who are shaky about their faith, pessimistic about hope for the future, and much less than charitable in their expressions and behaviour. I hesitate to preach from my position outside any established flock or congregation, but I’m prompted to speak up about something that I’m sure is noticeable by many people. On TV and on radio, in newspapers and in magazines, and in my community and in other communities, religious and political leaders express lack of Hope, Charity and Faith. They put forth doubts about our basic beliefs. They predict pessimistic, even apocalyptic and doomsday, scenarios for Humanity. Moreover, frequently and fervently, they promote individual and mass killing of people and encourage other atrocities on whole populations, even entire nations. They seem to have murder and venom in their hearts and minds.
Examples that come to mind are Pat Robertson’s recent comments on President Chavez of Venezuela and the town of Dover, Pennsylvania, and Billy Graham’s son’s comments on the disasters that befell New Orleans and their residents because of Katrina. Locally, the discussions to which I’ve been privy on the indigent, hungry, needy people of my community, or the debating in which I’ve participated regarding Karla Homolka, have featured many, often passionately vehement, faithless, hopeless and uncharitable comments.
Considering that the monotheism of Jews, Christians and Moslems have a single origin, the frequent animosities and hostile behaviours amongst them is staggering and unreasonable. In Genesis, Abraham beseeches God to save the people of Sodom, even if only 10 faithful citizens can be found. God agrees after some crafty debating by Abraham. Unfortunately God couldn’t find 10 people who followed His Laws. Earlier, God destroyed the entire world of people with The Flood, finding only Noah and his family, eight people, altogether, worthy of saving. Later, in the Gospels of the New Testament, Jesus summarizes God’s Laws into 2 statements: Love God and Love Thy Neighbour. On the cross, He beseeches God to forgive everyone, an act of Faith, Hope and Charity of immense proportions, for the ages. Billy Graham, amongst others, behaved as Jesus’ Disciple. In the Arab world, Mohammed and the great Lebanese poet, Gibron, were gentle and loving. Ghandi, the epitome of Pacifism for India and the world, emphasized his ideas for Faith, Hope and Charity by fasting for long periods of time, turning the other cheek and lauding the meek.
Where are the charitable, faithful and hopeful leaders on both sides of all the war fronts of the world? Shouldn’t the conflicts in Afghanistan and Iraq, Pakistan and Cechan, Ethiopia and Rwanda, Israel and Palestine, Quebec and Ontario be settled easily by the Billy Graham’s, the Mehatma Ghandi’s, the Adlai Stevenson’s, the Jean Charest’s and the Anwar Sadat’s of the world? Do Buddha, Confucius, Noah and his Ark full of innocent people and animals, St. John the Baptist, and King Xerxes of Persia, need to make dramatic re-appearances? Haven’t we sacrificed enough innocents to have learned by our histories?
Too many questions... Too few answers...
The chances are that Earth has been around for billions of years and that Mankind has been around for hundreds of thousands of years, more or less. The chances are that Mankind, as it has in the past, will survive floods, fire, earthquakes, winds and extraterrestrial hits, for billions of years, to come. The possibility that Mankind will deliberately destroy itself seems more likely today, than ever. My own lifetime is relatively short, but like Abraham and many others before me, many others around me, and many others after me, I care for my fellow man. Faith, Hope and Charity may, in fact, be hereditary as well as environmental. I wish that the leaders who have forsaken Faith, Hope and Charity stay home and cultivate enjoyment in their own families. I wish that they leave the rest of us peons alone, accept Divine Forgiveness, accept our forgiveness, and allow Peace on Earth.
THE END
(C) Izzy Sommers
Welland, Canada
November, 2005
CHERRY LIPS
CHERRY LIPS
A Silly Sonnet
By Izzy Sommers
In Welland, Canada
For November, 2005
The salivation in the mouth of John
Attracted no one less than pretty Dawn
Who offered up her cherry lips when he
Had closed his eyes and grabbed her forcefully.
However, he was gentle with his wet
Romantic kiss and managed yet to get
Our Dawn to open wide, accepting his
Researching tongue, a trick he’d learned from Liz.
When Dawn began to sweat and grunt, John held
Her tightly, swaying gently with a meld
Of Fred Astaire and Ginger all in one
Until he knew that he and she had won
The premier prize for kissing at the tea
Where all recited silly poetry.
THE END
(C) Izzy Sommers
Welland, Canada
November, 2005
In Welland, Canada
For November, 2005
The salivation in the mouth of John
Attracted no one less than pretty Dawn
Who offered up her cherry lips when he
Had closed his eyes and grabbed her forcefully.
However, he was gentle with his wet
Romantic kiss and managed yet to get
Our Dawn to open wide, accepting his
Researching tongue, a trick he’d learned from Liz.
When Dawn began to sweat and grunt, John held
Her tightly, swaying gently with a meld
Of Fred Astaire and Ginger all in one
Until he knew that he and she had won
The premier prize for kissing at the tea
Where all recited silly poetry.
THE END
(C) Izzy Sommers
Welland, Canada
November, 2005
MONARCH BUTTERFLIES
Izzy Sommers, MD[retired]
7-140 Elmview Street, West
Welland, ON L3C 4K7, Canada
TELEPHONE: 905-788-2237
EMAIL: canadizzy@yahoo.ca
DATE: Sunday, November 20, 2005
TO:
The Editor
The Welland Tribune
228 East Main Street
Welland, ON L3B 5P5, Canada
EMAIL: tribune@wellandtribune.ca
RE: monarch butterflies...
Dear Editor,
Reuters reported that Mexico sees bigger butterfly migration. Phew! Last year the cold weather apparently resulted in the lowest numbers in more than a decade. This year greater than usual numbers are expected because of the warmer than usual summer in Canada. It turns out that three or four generations of Monarch Butterflies are required to fly the distance from Mexico to Canada. The last generation, apparently, has a longer life span and is able to return all the way from Canada to the butterfly sanctuaries in Mexico. The natives support these inasmuch as they draw tourists and their money. So far, the natives haven’t succumbed to the temptations of the lucrative timber trade and the butterflies have a safe home.
Here in Ontario, it would be great if the Monarch Butterfly population increases. Outdoors, I think I’ve only seen two in the last two years in Ontario. One was on Merritt Island in Welland, and the other was in Welland Canal Park in Port Colborne, at the two ends of the bicycle path along the Welland Canal between Welland and Port. Indoors, there's hundreds in the Butterfly Conservatory on Niagara Parkway, beside the Horticultural College, between Niagara Falls and Queenston. Sixty years ago, when I was a youngster, I was virtually knee deep in Monarch Butterflies. The gorgeous, flying, fluttering insects and the pretty, crawling, fuzzy, black and orange caterpillars were as much a part of my upbringing as frogs, toads and garter snakes. Mother nature’s bounty of beauty might return the les Papillons et die Zwitterlinks und the millions of black and orange butterflies to southern Ontario. I hope so.
I hope the frogs and toads and garter snakes come back, too... The French snails and the Zebra mollusks need some competition.
Thank you for listening.
Sincerely,
Izzy Sommers, Welland, Canada
SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 20, 2005
WELLAND ARCHITECTURE
Welland Architectural Gems
An Essay by Izzy Sommers of Welland, Canada, for November, 2005
A walk down any old street in Welland is a treat. In Europe and Asia, permanent urban structures have been preserved for hundreds of years. Notre Dame in Paris, France, St. Paul’s Cathedral in Rome, Italy, The Sacred Palace in Beijing, China and Der Unterbrucke in Berne, Switzerland, are but a few of the famous landmarks. Before 1800, no permanent structures were built in Merrittville, the embryonic Welland, as far as I know. Native Canadians who lived here, lived in portable, mobile housing, mainly teepees, for following the buffalo and avoiding enemies. Thus, all of Welland’s urban structures are “recent.”
Nevertheless, gems of architectural styles are abundant. A short walk on Dorothy Street, followed by extended walks on Hellems, Young and Division Streets, provide plenty of visual treats for the person who appreciates the artistry of buildings. A style of house seen in the early 19th century features beautiful brick arches. Two such wonderfully kept-up houses are seen opposite the Welland Farmers Market, itself a pretty example of old styles. I can just imagine the original bricklayer standing back and admiring his artistry. Another is “hidden” on Elmview Street, East, possibly on the oldest house in Welland. There are wonderful octagonal towers, here and there, inspiration for Frank Lloyd Wright, or perhaps visa versa. Evidence of original coach houses and erstwhile, second story, servants’ quarters, is detectable. Many store fronts, with typical frontal, rectangular, carved stone, above the roof, announcing the builder and/or owner, are reminiscent of the wild west, in USA and Canada, as portrayed by many cowboy movies.
On Aquaduct, there’s a large, black and white, wooden house with a wrap-around porch, reminiscent of more southern, or eastern, mansions, has been well-preserved. The same can be said of the Welland Club, in white and green. On Young Street, there’s a large wooden house in sad need of repair, but, nevertheless, still providing a roof over someone’s head, and still a great example of late 19th century beautiful dwellings. The hand-carved wood work is spectacular. I’m not sure, but some folks may find this the only example of Scandinavian, or Swedish, Colonial style, in the entire Niagara Peninsula.
As you walk around the streets of Welland, keep an eye out for some original leaded glass windows, some hand-carved dark cedar shingles, some original red brick from Welland made in 1850, where the Welland Tennis Club now stands and features the exactly same red clay. Under the asphalt of Main Street is a wonderfully preserved brick, cobblestone road, which is visible only when the asphalt is torn up. It may still even have a 19th century set of railroad tracks from the days of the horse-drawn street cars. You can see the cobblestone exposed in a short street intersecting with the intersection of West Main and Prince Charles Streets.
I’m sure the folks that have lived in Welland for many years can reel off many more great examples of interesting architectural features, that I may have missed. A professional photographer and a professional reporter, armed with some old-fashioned cameras, real film, original blueprints and original plats, might make a nice feature some day, in the Tribune, or any newspaper or magazine.
.
THE END
PORT COLBORNE ARCHITECTURE
PORT COLBORNE ARCHITECTURE
An Essay by Izzy Sommers for November, 2005
An Essay by Izzy Sommers for November, 2005
This is a follow-up to the one about architctural features of old homes in Welland. Of course, Port Colborne has some architectural gems which are also worthwhile seeking out. I found a stone house on King Street that has features of houses built in the 17th century, which for me makes it the oldest house around. Another is the one room tiny prison near the carousel in Port Dalhousie. All along the shores of the St. Laurence River, tiny stone 400 year old houses can be spotted from Gaspe to Lake Ontario and the other Great Lakes. I believe they were built by Marquette and other Frenchmen who explored North America along the waterways. Most of these are one room smoke houses, bakeries, prisons and even churches. Sometimes, you can spot grey foundations of rough hewn, irregular stone on which brick or wooden houses have been built after the 1600's. In Old Montreal and Qhebec City, many of the old office buildings have such foundations, even if the higher stories have been built later.
Sugarloaf Street in Port has some magnificent houses built in the 19th century, mainly by wealthy Americans from Western New York State, who also were responsible for many of the beautiful old summer homes along the Lake Erie Shore, east and west of Fort Erie, through Long Beach and on to Cayuga, Dunnville and Simcoe, and beyond to Leamington. Some old mansions along King Street are spectacular; many of them are now Bed & Breakfast establishments.
Like Welland, a lot of the master bricklaying and other beautiful masonary and wood work, from the late 19th and early 20th centuries, can be spotted almost anywhere in Port, but mainly on the old streets near the Lake or the Canal. When the Tall Ships were in town, the architecture was befitting. The mansion on Felding which now houses a playhouse and a restaurant and a lounge for live jazz, is beautifully maintained. There's house after house on streets like Steele and Clarence and in the areas behind Sugarloaf and Tennessee, which are lovely, preserved, and well-maintained and full of old architectural features.
Even more than Welland, the working lift bridge over the canal at Clarence evokes strong images of 150 years of shipping throught the important Welland Canal. It's too bad the train bridge is gone. However, for the future, the rails just north of Clarence have been removed and the railbeds have been paved for one of the most interesting bicycle trails in the world. From Port, east, west and north, beautiful bicycle and motorcycle trails and all terrain vehicles paths are worthwhile exploring with lots of old landscapes and seascapes, as well as old and new architectural gems along the way. It's like eye candy for the pedestrian, bicyclist and slowly driving motorist.
THE END
THAT ONE I DID NOT DO
I Didn’t DoThat One
A Serious Sonnet
By Izzy Sommers
In Welland, Canada
For November, 2005
It seems to me, when I am low, that all
The ills that plague the world are caused by me.
Of course that can't be true, since most of them
Are caused by you... Oh pooh! That, also, is
Not true... I wonder why my mind distorts
The facts. I wonder why the axe has yet
To fall. In fact, I've wondered why we all
Don't turn to salt. It's silly, eh? In ancient
Times, Lot's wife was turned to salt because
She turned around to see the fall of
Sodom and Gomorrah. She was punished, not
Because she lived in sin, mind, but because
She turned to watch the cities burn... a little
Off the spot. I'm sure I caused it not!
THE END
******************************
]REFRAIN:[
It seems to me, when I am low, that all
The ills that plague the world are caused
By me. Of course that can't be true,
Since most of them are caused by you...
Oh pooh! That, also, is not true...
I wonder why my mind distorts the facts.
I wonder why the axe has yet to fall.
In fact, I've wondered why we all don't turn
To salt. It's silly, eh? In ancient times,
Lot's wife was turned to salt because
She turned around to see the fall of
Sodom and Gomorrah. She was punished, not
Because she lived in sin, mind, but
Because she turned to watch the cities burn.
A little off the spot.
I'm sure I caused it not!
A Serious Sonnet
By Izzy Sommers
In Welland, Canada
For November, 2005
It seems to me, when I am low, that all
The ills that plague the world are caused by me.
Of course that can't be true, since most of them
Are caused by you... Oh pooh! That, also, is
Not true... I wonder why my mind distorts
The facts. I wonder why the axe has yet
To fall. In fact, I've wondered why we all
Don't turn to salt. It's silly, eh? In ancient
Times, Lot's wife was turned to salt because
She turned around to see the fall of
Sodom and Gomorrah. She was punished, not
Because she lived in sin, mind, but because
She turned to watch the cities burn... a little
Off the spot. I'm sure I caused it not!
THE END
******************************
]REFRAIN:[
It seems to me, when I am low, that all
The ills that plague the world are caused
By me. Of course that can't be true,
Since most of them are caused by you...
Oh pooh! That, also, is not true...
I wonder why my mind distorts the facts.
I wonder why the axe has yet to fall.
In fact, I've wondered why we all don't turn
To salt. It's silly, eh? In ancient times,
Lot's wife was turned to salt because
She turned around to see the fall of
Sodom and Gomorrah. She was punished, not
Because she lived in sin, mind, but
Because she turned to watch the cities burn.
A little off the spot.
I'm sure I caused it not!
TAKETH NOT OFF
Taketh Not Off Thy Cap To Show It
A Silly Sonnet
By Izzy Sommers
In Welland, Canada
For November, 2005
Without a doubt the simple safety pin
Supports the human race through thick and thin.
With silvered pointy heads of steel and tin,
You are the quintessential endocrine.
A pretty lady, at a costume ball,
Knows she can always find the wherewith all
To fasten undergarments that could fall,
Allowing her to dance and stand up tall.
Of course, a man with torn suspenders needs
Your vital service to be rendered. Please,
Forget not all your super trouper deeds
For diaper, baby, mommy, dad and squeeze.
You have the sharpest brain! We know it, eh?
Perhaps you really are this poet... Hey!
THE END
*************************************
[REFRAIN:]
Without a doubt the simple safety pin
Supports the human race through thick and
Thin. With silvered pointy heads of steel
And tin, you are the quintessential
Endocrine. A pretty lady at a costume ball
Knows she can always find the wherewith all
To fasten undergarments that could fall
Allowing her to dance and stand up tall.
Of course a man with torn suspenders needs
Your vital service to be rendered. Please
Forget not all your super trouper deeds
For diaper, baby, mommy, dad and squeeze.
You have the sharpest brain! We know it, eh?
Perhaps you really are this poet... Hey!
In Welland, Canada
For November, 2005
Without a doubt the simple safety pin
Supports the human race through thick and thin.
With silvered pointy heads of steel and tin,
You are the quintessential endocrine.
A pretty lady, at a costume ball,
Knows she can always find the wherewith all
To fasten undergarments that could fall,
Allowing her to dance and stand up tall.
Of course, a man with torn suspenders needs
Your vital service to be rendered. Please,
Forget not all your super trouper deeds
For diaper, baby, mommy, dad and squeeze.
You have the sharpest brain! We know it, eh?
Perhaps you really are this poet... Hey!
THE END
*************************************
[REFRAIN:]
Without a doubt the simple safety pin
Supports the human race through thick and
Thin. With silvered pointy heads of steel
And tin, you are the quintessential
Endocrine. A pretty lady at a costume ball
Knows she can always find the wherewith all
To fasten undergarments that could fall
Allowing her to dance and stand up tall.
Of course a man with torn suspenders needs
Your vital service to be rendered. Please
Forget not all your super trouper deeds
For diaper, baby, mommy, dad and squeeze.
You have the sharpest brain! We know it, eh?
Perhaps you really are this poet... Hey!
SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 19, 2005
TWO OLD POEMS
I tried to get an autograph, or two,
And yearned to get a signature for you.
I waited by the player's locker room,
Anticipating where the champs would zoom.
I'd bought a programme, and a Parker pen,
And found a mark to wait, when Glen McPhen,
The winner of the quarter final match,
Was speeding toward me on my chosen patch
Of thatch. Alas, the crowd surged forward, eh?
I felt my body squozed in such a way,
That I fell face first in the muddy spot,
That I'd avoided when the iron was hot.
I fell in such an awkward way, my pen,
My very precious Parker, there and then,
Was like a dart and pierced my vest and chest!
I heard the air go swooshing out. I blessed
You, all, for I was fading fast. My breath
Was non-existant, and I faced my death.
Oh, luckily, McPhen removed my pen,
And saved my life. Oh, Zen. Oh, Glen. Amen.
Izzy Sommers
***********************************************************************
WILTING ROSE, MELTING ICE
The ice was melting in the bucket, and the
Rose was wilting in it's vase. I gazed. The
Glass was clear. There was a garden. It was
So near, so clear, it pulled me from my
Mortal self, to float amongst the blooms
And shrubs. I found myself alight, like
Cheshire's cat, atop a maple branch, asmiling
Broadly. Then, I spotted you. 'Twas really
You! You floated t'ward me, smiled at me.
You joined me on my maple branch and kissed
Me, on the lips. A rainbow coloured
Pyrotechnic show went on inside my brain!
Alas, it rained. We melted, then and there.
Our smiles had turned to frowns. My frown
Persisted in the restaurant, agazing at my
Melting ice and wilting rose. I rose and
Paid the bill. And, there you were! You
Were wet. Your car had broken down. You
Needed to clean up. We looked around and
Smiled. The Garden Inn, next door, would do.
Izzy Sommers
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