johann and kingdom

BRAZILIAN ACRE

CHRONICLES

A Fictional Saga Of Importance To A Sociologist Or Politician Or An Upstart, Like Myself, Who Thinks He Knows How To Avoid Border Skirmishes, Which Lead To War And Genocide, Ethnic Cleansing And Denial Of The Murderous Intentions Of Some Leaders.  Sometimes a bowl of matzo-ball chicken soup and a serving of steaming falafel, shared by leaders at the border, could be more effective than a pissing match, and certainly more effective than the rattling of the sabres, or political doublespeak, or a display of weaponry and armed might and a buildup of those deadly weapons of mass destruction, eh?

By Izzy Ess Of Peace And Happiness

King Johann Bricker ruled an acre in Brazil, where his subjects were but three quite nubile teenage virgins from Columbia, a courtesy of Juan da Marcovicz who sold them to him eight long years, ago, when they were four years old.  He’d reared them on goat’s milk and curried goat that he had learned to cook in the town of Kingston in Jamaica where he was a chef and bottle washer in Le Coq du Ville Café and Restaurant.

King Johann wore a crown of nacred oyster shells and wore a badge of office, a bright green and orange crest tattooed on his left big muscled breast.  The crest depicted dolphins jumping out of water and enjoying life in Bricker’s Paradise, the name he’d dubbed his acre, when he had acquired his virgins from Colombia.  He taught the youngsters how to dance and twirl and do the Waltz of Seven Princesses, which he had altered to include the Tango of the Trio of Triumphant Trumpettes.  All together, every sunrise, they would greet the rising sun with Praise for Sol, a modified King David Psalm, and sing the Royal Anthem of the Bricker’s Paradise, while making pirouettes in Bricker’s Grotto, complete with cave and Virgin Mary statuettes.

King Bricker mounted his huge Clydesdale every morning and would slowly ride along his bamboo fence to check for breaches and intruding footprints.  The trio of the Virgins would walk behind him, careful of manure, singing Hallelujah Choruses from a composer in Great Britain, Jorj Bedrock Handelsohnn.  Just yesterday, he had found footprints of a kangaroo and beaver which had gnawed a hole in his strong bamboo fence.  He made repairs and put up a warning sign for kangaroos and beavers, “Keep Out, You Vermin!  Lest We Send the Virgins After Your Big Tails And Cut Them Off!”  Today, there was a sign that said, “We Don’t Honour Scoundrels Who Just Threaten Us!  We Will Get Queen Isabella Tinkerbelle To Use Her Scimitar And Cut Your Manhood Off!”

This Declaration meant this was a Border Skirmish!  King Bricker tore down the new sign and put another in its place: “The King Will Meet Your Queen Tomorrow At 10:34 am.  Do Not Bring Weapons.  Bring Your Brightest Smart Negotiators And The King Of Bricker’s Paradise Will Leave His Weapons At The House!”  The next morning at exactly 10:33 am, King Johann Bricker dressed in his new royal finery, accompanied by his smartly dressed up trio of young virgins, now aged 10, approached the meeting place, a new break in his proud bamboo fence.  When he suppressed his rage, he saw a vision of great pulchritude.  It was Queen Isabella Tinkerbelle, topless, with a red and yellow tattoo of her royal crest depicting kangaroos and beavers just cavorting in a field of sugar cane, on her left ample breast.  She had an hourglass figure and her pubic bush was visible through her sarong.  King Bricker could not stop his manhood from expanding and just pointed up at this new Queen of the adjacent acre, dubbed, “The Paradise Recovered.”  Queen Isabella smiled and said, “I thought you warned us about weapons!  It’s obvious that you are devious.  You brought your weapon with you and it appears to be unsheathed and quite ready for some action.  I will negotiate but not before you sheath your weapon in my honeypot and make deposits of your sincerity to give a little promise of negotiating willingness.  My trio of young virgin boys will entertain your trio of young virgin girls, if that does please your Highness, dear.”

And so, there was a compromise, of sorts, while King Johann and Queen Isabella united for a bigger bang than either had experienced in recent months and years.  Queen Isabella smiled and bent over the old bamboo fence and offered up her pretty derriere for King Johann to make a bull’s eye and to drive his weapon deep inside her well-lubricated honeypot.  The King made several huge deposits to reveal his own sincerity and the Queen had several dozen screaming meemies to capitulate.  The six ten year olds did ballet Dances of Appreciation for the show that was presented to them for their education, edification and pure entertainment.  All the virgins still were virgins though there were some not too surreptitious feelings up, betwixt them all, that was enjoyable.  A declaration of the peaceful and exciting union of the King and Queen and all six virgins was carefully negotiated and it read: “We of the Undersigned do hereby vow to make a Union of our Acres and take down the Bamboo border.  We further vow to build a shared new bamboo residence to house a master bedroom and six tiny bedrooms for our purchased Virgins who will now be siblings under common law.  The contribution of both sides will be of equal value in the piles of sugar cane and piles of bamboo shoots contributed by both equal rulers of the joined two acres which shall be dubbed, ‘The Paradise to Top all Paradises.’”  This was signed and sealed by the new King and Queen which made the union like a marriage under common law.  All genocide had been avoided and now there was no threat of the use of weapons for annihilation.

Construction of the bamboo castle was immediately started.  The beavers and the kangaroos pitched in and did modify the blueprints to include a home for them.  Another Clydesdale was then purchased for the Queen which had a western saddle with a horn to satisfy the Queen when she was galloping or merely trotting.  It was a match of Johann’s saddle which had a lubricated honeypot construction for his convenience when the trotting or the galloping excited him.  In all the Peace and Harmony that did ensue, King Johann Bricker and his Queen, the Isobel of Tinkerbelle, lived happily forever after, with the six sibling virgins who became non-virgins after their thirteenth birthdays, which were supervised with smiling all around.  The kangaroos and beavers managed to produce some beaveroos to make it interesting.  The new land flourished with the sales of bamboo, and the sugar cane, to kith and kin and friendly neighbours to the north and south and east and west, in their own acres.  As time went on, more treaties were declared and soon there was a total shire of acres that co-operated for a kind of Paradise that simulated the big Paradise in the Upper Firmament.

AMEN AND HALLELUJAH!

THE END

© izzy sommers, md

Wetland, Kanata

The Ides of November, 2013