LAVERN
& SAMUEL
A
Fictitious Tale Of Tail Wherein The Fitness Is The Thing. Two Folks That Fit Together Smoothly And
Efficiently Are Special And Find Each Other With Some Strange Machinations And
Acting Moves. An Oratorio, Movie Script,
Novella, Madrigal And Campfire Song Would Be A Consequence For Both Adults And
Adults That Act Like Children, Or Even Teenagers.
By izzy ess of happiness and fitness
Professor
Samuel O’Bryan was a maniac about his women.
He insisted they are dress like priestesses before he would make love to
them. When he was married, he had lots
of trouble with the sex because he couldn’t get it up unless his bride got
dressed in chambermaid’s black lacy costumes with no underwear. His marriage lasted only three short months
and dissolved without dispute from either one of them. No fuss, no bother, was his attitude. He’d had a myriad of girlfriends because he
was quite wealthy and an eligible bachelor with a lot of dough he had inherited
from his old man who was an engineer and had invented several gadgets for flat
television sets. Our Samuel was fast
approaching middle age and still insisted on peculiar costumes, eh? A friend suggested prostitutes. “Oh, what the Hell?” he said. “I have the money and a marriage might just
cost me more. I’ll call an agency for
escorts, eh?”
Lavern
Anne Steinberger was a high class hooker and had been around the block an
hundred times. When the agency did call
on her to go to the Professor, she was told to expect some costume changes that
she’d done before for wealthy clients, see?
She was instructed to become a priestess and she did comply and upped
her charges to completely cover her expenses for a black robe with a cape and
hood of mediaeval style. She was
completely nude beneath her hooded silken robe.
She thought Professor Samuel was cute and felt she would enjoy herself
because he was quite muscular and fit and guessed he worked out regularly,
which was pleasing to her eyes. Her fees
were steep. She charged two thousand for
initial hours and a thousand for each one thereafter. The Professor paid in cash up front for
twelve whole hours.
The
trouble was that he was impotent unless his partner did her act exactly
right. Lavern was quite intelligent and
street-wise and she acted well and kept her face quite serious in keeping up
with Samuel and his obsessions, eh? Instructions
were quite clear: “Approach me as a stern self-righteous priest who wants me to
confess my sins completely!” Samuel had said.
“Just after I confess, I want you to reveal your physicality and ask me
to completely service you with oral sex and never use your honeypot to tempt
me. Got it?” “Yes, Professor Samuel. I get it.
Are you ready for me?” Samuel had
nodded meekly and it all began.
Lavern
had gone to Samuel’s big office, downtown, on Edwards Avenue, right next to
Banks of Switzerland and London’s Harrow’s Haberdashery. She kept an attitude of sternness on her
face, beneath her hood. She said quite
sternly, “Oh, get up you stupid man when I am entering your presence, see? Do not sit down unless I say so, eh?” She jumped on his big desk and talked down to
Samuel. “Get on your knees and look the
other way. Confess your sins, you
infidel! Confess them now or I will
curse you and you will surely go to Hell!
Remove your clothes and throw them out the window! Now!”
Our
Samuel was trembling as he took off his clothes and threw them out the window
and got back down on his knees and faced away from his paid Priestess, eh? His manhood was quite limp and tiny, like a man
in a cold bath. Lavern barked out,
“Confess you stupid Infidel!
Confess! Or go to Hell!” “Forgive me Mother, I have sinned!” he
started in. “Forgive me! I have looked upon a student with a figure of
an angel and I did scorn her beauty and her figure with a curse-ed tongue. I told her she was ugly and quite unworthy of
a man’s attention and she started in to cry.
I slapped her face and sent her to a convent to repent! She screamed and then I laughed, my
Mother. And, I marked her down when she
was brilliant and resourceful and failed her in my class for Sociology.”
Lavern
barked out, “You infidel! You have
sinned against all other women of this world.
You are a sinner and you must obey my strict instructions to be saved.” Samuel was trembling as he asked, “What must
I do, my Holy Mother? Please guide me to
my salvation.” Our Lavern turned and she
lifted up her robe revealing a quite perky derriere and said, “Stand up and
kiss my derriere and do it with sincerity!
I want to feel your lips and feel they are sincere in their great
adoration of my derriere. Now! Do it now, you filthy sinner!” Samuel stood up and put his lips upon her
perky derriere and kissed it very tenderly.
He felt a stirring in his groin but dared not look. Lavern barked out. “You are not quite sincere enough! Now kiss my ass and lick my anus like you
mean it, eh? Now! Do it now!”
Our Samuel grasped both her knees and pressed his head between her buns
and kissed her anus with his lips and tongue.
He felt another stirring in his groin but was afraid to check his
manhood.
Ms.
Lavern continued. “Samuel, I want
sincerity. Now get your tongue inside my
anus and do push it in as far as you can go!
Do it now! And, I want to feel
sincerity you are repenting! Now do it
and make me feel as if you mean it!”
Samuel complied and got his strong tongue right in her anus and pushed
it in and out as if to stimulate her. Ms.
Lavern felt great sincerity and said.
“That’s good, my infidel, I feel sincerity. Continue for a full five minutes ‘til I say
to stop.” Our Samuel had grown a huge
erection that he dared not check. Lavern
was pleased at his response. She felt a
pleasant shiver pass through her own groin and then up to her brain, but she resisted
telling him. She watched his penis
throbbing and was sure she was doing a good job, just earning all her
cash. She waited five whole
minutes. Then she barked, “Oh, stop you
infidel! I’m giving you an opportunity
to just repent completely. Turn around
and face the other way and think about your lustful sin! And shut your eyes!”
Lavern
got off the desk and went to the big sofa chair. She lifted up her black silk hooded robe and
bared her derriere while lying on the sofa and presenting her pert derriere. She barked at Samuel, “Now open wide your
eyes and get a look at my sweet anus. Come
to me and push your manhood deep inside my anus and act as if you are
persuading me you are repentant by just pushing in and out with gentle
rhythms. Are you clear about what I have
told you, Samuel?” “Oh, yes my Holy
Mother. I am clear. Please let me show you my sincerity is
obvious.” Our Samuel complied with our
Lavern’s instructions and he shoved his manhood into her so very deeply. With a rhythm that was pleasing to Lavern, he
did what she had asked and was surprised at his great big erection, eh? He pumped and pumped and then he did
explode. Lavern felt very satisfied and
suppressed her squealing to maintain the seriousness of her attitude.
Professor
Samuel did feel that he had done something very wrong and asked forgiveness,
once again. Lavern was stern and said,
“I do forgive you Samuel but I will give you one more chance. This time I don’t want you to explode but do
withhold your big ejaculation ‘til I say it is OK! Now, do begin again with your own rhythmic
pumping and do grip my derriere with your strong hands and feel sincere about
repenting. Feel sincere!” Our Samuel was surprised at his strong
manhood but did not feel comfortable and didn’t mention it. Lavern was stern and did not say anything
while he re-started. He did follow all
instructions quite exactly as Lavern had given them and he was able to withhold
ejaculation for a full half hour.
Lavern
was cool and acted sternly all the while.
Samuel was silent and obedient and did a yeoman’s job. At a full half hour, Lavern barked out, “Now,
my infidel! Now! Let your sins come out in force. Let your semen go right now! Don’t keep me waiting. I want to feel sincerity!” Samuel exploded and he screamed with painful
pleasure. Ms. Lavern stayed cool and did
appear to be quite stern. She hoarsely
said, “I felt sincerity, my infidel. I
feel you have repented.” Samuel was
pleased and felt exhausted and he just fainted there and then. Lavern just smiled and felt quite satisfied
that she had done what was required to get this Samuel to do her bidding and
enjoy himself. For after all, he had
already paid her a small fortune.
Ms.
Lavern relaxed and smoked a small cigar that had the flavour of good rum. She pulled her robe down to cover up her
private parts and went to sit in his big swivel chair to wait for Samuel to
awake. She found a robe for him in his
own closet and she threw it over him. He
slept for a full hour while she listened to the radio on a station that played
Classical. She smoked another cigarillo
and relaxed. Samuel was paying her a lot
of dough to watch him sleep. She felt no
guilt. This was a special case and she
found it interesting. She had been
creative and enjoyed her work this evening and was looking forward to what
might happen later. She admitted to
herself that she had experienced some pleasure that was unexpectedly quite
nice.
Samuel
awoke and felt refreshed and in a wonderful great mood for more
confessions. Pictures of his great big
penis flashed before his eyes and he did realize it was the first time in a
very long time that he was able to perform.
It was perhaps the first time ever that he felt so satisfied about his
sexuality. He felt that the small
fortune that he had paid was really worth his while and thanked his friend,
quite silently, for suggesting it.
A
psychoanalyst might say he’d had a minor “breakthrough.” Perhaps, he might say, it was a major one.
Our
Samuel felt eager now, but our Lavern had planned stage two and barked, “Wipe
that smile right off your face, you dirty little sinner, lest I feel you’re not
sincere! Now, confess! I want to hear your greatest sin. I want to hear about your mother, the one
that gave you life. I want to hear about
your mother and what you did to her to feel superior. Confess!
Confess you snake, you Lucifer!
Confess!” Lavern looked stern and
threatening. She stood up straight and
looked him in the eye.
Samuel
stuttered once again and did confess. “I
told her she was fat and ugly and did not deserve to have a handsome son, like
me. I lied and told her that her milk
was sour and that her breasts were pendulous.
I told her that she didn’t keep her shape because my dad had left her
much because she was so ugly, and I told her that another man was never to be
found and that she’d die completely all alone and never will make love again
because no man would find her quite attractive.
She cried and I yelled out, before I left, that she was so unworthy of
me and that she would die without me. I
told her that I hated her.” Samuel had
started crying and he bawled. “I confess
my Holy Mother. I confess that I did lie
and tell my mother she was ugly and unworthy of a perfect son.” “You are the unworthy son if your beautiful
mother who is ashamed of you, I’m sure.
Now, get on your knees and pray!”
Lavern was stern and kept her eye on Samuel’s small penis. She asked, “Are you prepared to meet your
maker now?” Samuel just hung his head in
shame. “What can I do, my Holy
Mother? What can I do to do repentance? Please have mercy, Holy Mother. Please don’t smite me here and now.”
Lavern
had thought this through. She stood up
and she lifted up her hooded cape and said, “Samuel, you dog, you are not
worthy of her own mother. You are not
worthy of a wealthy life. You are not
worthy of continued life. Your mother
should have driven a big stake right through your heart!” Lavern had purposefully exposed her lower
lips to Samuel. “Now, you infidel, I
want sincerity. I want you to feel these
lower lips of mine and not have feelings for them. I want you to use your fingers to check out
my tiny penis and not consider sex at all.
Do you understand, you dog?”
“Yes, I understand, my Holy Mother.
You want me to repent by my sincere appreciation of a woman’s lower lips
and tiny penis without a single thought of sex.
Oh, Holy Mother, you are wise and bountiful. Please let me fondle you without a single
thought of sex. Oh, please.”
Lavern
did brace herself for this experience and said, “Now Samuel, I want your
fingers to express sincerity. I want
them to feel everything without your getting full of sexual thoughts or
feelings. Now, do it with sincerity!” Samuel was on his knees and praying. He reached so cautiously for the pretty
private parts of his paid priestess and he gently fondled her. He felt a stirring in his groin but didn’t
want to look. Lavern could see that he
was growing a big and throbbing masthead which must be dealt with. She suddenly reached down and grabbed his
super hard erection and she pinched it hard.
Samuel did scream and screamed, “I’m sorry Holy Mother. What can I do?” Lavern was clever and she turned to show her
Samuel her perky derriere. She said,
“Now put your nose against my anus and reach around with both your arms and try
again to outline my lower lips and tiny wee-wee with your fingers, OK? Now be sincere and you will be saved from
Hell. Otherwise I may be forced to smite
you here and now for the awful sins that you committed on your mother! She gave you life and you did give her grief. She nourished you and saw you thrive and you
took her pride away and left her for demise.
Now, sincerity. I want to feel
sincerity and not a bit of sex, unless I give you my permission! Understand?
Now, do it Samuel! Do it now!”
Samuel
walked on his knees and put his nose up the pretty ass of his paid
priestess. Then he reached around and
found her lower lips and hard clitoris and he started feeling them so gently
with his fingers. He was right on the
button with his fingers and he felt a stirring in his groin. He didn’t dare to look to see if he was
getting turned on but Lavern could smile and watch his manhood grow to huge
proportions and begin to throb. Samuel
continued feeling up Lavern so gently and sincerely. Lavern was lubricating wildly.
Lavern
had planned this out exactly right. She
slowly bent her knees and lowered her cute derriere until our Samuel’s great
manhood slid right up her honeypot. She
instructed Samuel to clench his eyes so tightly shut and look right up to
Heaven. She successfully got Samuel’s
hot throbbing manhood deep within her honeypot and asked him to start praying
for redemption. Samuel did lift his arms
to pray while our Lavern was very much excited by her clever movements. She slowly started moving up and down upon
his shaft and felt a dozen waves of pleasure in her body, before she dared to
speak. “Samuel,” she asked. “Do you feel saved?” Samuel hoarsely whispered, “Yes, my Holy
Mother. I feel wonderful.” “Do you feel ready to release your soul to
me?” she whispered. “Yes, your
Holiness. I am ready, if you give the
word.” “OK, now, my infidel, you may now
release you soul to me. I’m ready to
receive your physical confession and your great sincerity for your
redemption. Now! Samuel.
Now give it all to me. Now!”
Samuel
exploded as he felt his spirits rise to Heaven for redemption. Lavern could feel it too and had a wonderful
wave of pleasure go right through her supple body and reach all the toes and
fingers of her being. It was
wonderful. Samuel could not see that she
was smiling broadly and she couldn’t see that he was smiling, too. In fact, they both were glowing, radiating
love in all directions, especially to the deepest parts of both of them. For several minutes there was silence as the
feelings of our Heavens did suffuse them both.
“I
feel wonderful,” said Samuel. “I feel
very good, myself, my little infidel.
Will you be ready to confess again in a few moments?” “Yes,” said Samuel. “I will be ready and quite willing to confess
again in several moments, my Holiest of Mothers. Would you like to share a cigarillo and a
brandy?” “Why, yes, my darling infidel,
I surely would.” They disengaged and
Lavern went for her cigarillos and our Samuel retrieved his Brandy with two
snifters.
Happy
couples like these two misfits, Lavern and Samuel, just fit together like a
glove and they engage and disengage quite often through the night and through
the day even after money runs out on the first engagement for eleven hours of
fun and games. No psychoanalyst was
needed to declare that our Lavern and Samuel were meant to be together like a
match that’s made in Heaven, or in Hell, or in someone’s office. This couple delighted in their spirits, their
mentality and their great physicality, forever, and forever, like the fairy
tales. This tale of tail is ended with a
couplet, so
When
keys are not the ones that fit the locks,
Don’t
blame the couple, it’s the effin’ flocks!
Or
The
best laid schemes of mice and men are fine,
But
happiness is when he is all mine!
Or
The
perfect fit may be a common hoe,
But
once you find her, never let her go!
THE
END
© izzy sommers, md
Welland, Canada
November 26, 2013
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