Remarkably
Adele met Charles
A
Lyrical Tale of Remarkability
By Izzy Ess of Cluelessness
Remarkably,
Adele met Charles in Wimbledon, where they were visiting their relatives in
London. Charles was living in
Schenectady. Adele was from the village
of Romance in nearby Albany. They’d seen
each other briefly at the Country Club Albania in Syracuse at afternoon grand
picnics for the debutantes of New York State.
Of course, they had not dated, since at the time they had commitments to
two other people in their neighbourhoods.
The promised marriages for both of them had never happened and in London
they were single, uncommitted folks who would have been surprised to find
connections far from home. Each came to all
the main court matches with an uncommitted cousin, Charles with Abilene, his
mother’s sister’s daughter and Adele with Beauregard, her father’s mistress’s
good friend. The four of them were
seated near the Royal Box where Princess Anne and Prince Depilatory were both
ably representing Queen Elizabeth II, and the Duke of Edinburgh, Sir William
Humphrey Clonidine. The foursome started
talking, disagreeing and agreeing with the umpire’s calls. Bespeckled, freckled and so hard of hearing,
our quite hapless umpire, Sir Sylvester Shvester, seemed to have the vision of an octopus, with
ears to match.
Connections
with New England were surprises. Charles
and Ms. Adele had many kith and kin, in common, and they knew the gossip well
about Samantha Blue and her affair with Mac Da Knife, as well as Jonathan’s
emerging from his kitchenette, declaring he could go both ways, and Betty
Bottom turning up quite pregnant to the Fireman’s Ball at Bellingham and loudly
claiming she was still a virgin and it was the Angel Gabriel that had infused
her with his Holy Spirits, inasmuch as she was having twins, within the month. Adele had quipped, “She had huge breasts and
quite a belly with an outie belly button that protruded out an inch, or more,
further than her big brown nipples.”
“Wasn’t she a sight?” responded Charles who added, “She was popular that
afternoon because she did a lap dance on Frank Johnson after drinking more
Chianti than a horse! They had to pull
her off of Frank because his chest pain was severe and quite alarming. EMTs were worried that he’d had a cardiac
arrest and performed some mouth to mouth.
Ms. Bottom asked the EMTs to check her bottom. It turned out she broke her water and had the
start of labour pains. The sturdy EMTs
responded, ripping off her blouse and underwear and showing everyone Ms. Bottom’s
gravid body to advantage. Betty really
liked the EMTs and named her twins, eventually, John Pierre and Stanley Michael,
after all the handsome men that cared so smoothly that she fell in love with
all of them. Frank was fine, it turned
out; he was petulant that Bottoms hadn’t named a kid for him.”
Sir
Beauregard and Abilene just winked and let Adele and Charles start holding
hands and getting lips so close together they were almost kissing. On the outer lawn café, the four of them sat
down for cream and strawberries. Adele
and Charles were touching knees and getting serious about plans to see each
other when they got back home.
Exchanging email addresses, they parted for the day. Adele confided in her cousin Abilene that she
could see herself co-habituating with Sir Charles. Ms. Abilene remarked that she would take him
home if Ms. Adele had not invited Charles to make a date with her, Adele.
Back
in Schenectady, Adele and Charlie, started dating and discovered they were
quite compatible. The sex was not too
hot, but adequate. Adele was satisfied
as she was quite in love, while Charles was wondering if his techniques were
sharp enough. He read some sexy books and realized he was not doing what it
said in sexy books. He tried some stuff
out on Adele without preliminary frank discussions. “Adele,” he quietly requested, “Would you
please stand sideways in the window bay so that the light suffuses your great
hair and makes nice shadows, everywhere?”
Adele was puzzled but she loved Sir Charles and stood there in the
window bay, the sunlight coming through and silhouetting her great body making
shadows that enhanced her curves and charms.
She felt like stripping slowly and she did while gyrating so sensuously
that Sir Charles felt really hot and bothered.
Love was made that evening with élan and wonderment. Quite exhausted in the morning, they got re-dressed
and showered and made love again while water dripped all over them, while
wearing clothes.
Adele
decided to re-read her Henry Miller books and found herself quite stimulated
while she read. She felt as if a
marriage was appropriate to keep her sex activities completely private and
appropriate. Sir Charles accepted her
betrothing and he promised to be true.
The ceremony at the Lincoln Chapel in Schenectady was sombre and
emotional. Just everybody cried as they
just knew that love, like Charles and his Adele possessed, was made in Heaven,
for Peace on Earth, Good Will toward the men and women of the Earth as they
went forth and multiplied, just like Adam and his Eve. The honeymoon in Albany was most exciting as
each day they watched the parliamentarians make laws. They were indeed impressed by the formality
of making laws. Adele and Charles held
hands as law was made each week-day from 10:10 to noon and then from 2:09 to
3:05 o’clock. They found the restaurant
in which the congressmen and senators ate lunch and drank martinis. They joined them, frequently at their own
tables and became the popular civilians of the Albany big houses of the Senate
and the Congress. Once, they were
invited to the ball in Grand New York Hotel.
Adele was stunning in her glamourous long gown, tiara and her diamond
earrings and Sir Charles was splendid in some tails and stove-pipe, Lincoln,
shiny top hat. When the Waltz of
Tennessee was played, Adele and Charles were given all the dancing floor and
swirled around magnificently to applause.
They were justifiably rewarded with two ribbons for their chests which
said they’d won first prize for dancing at the ball. Plied with alcohol, the couple got quite
tipsy and they did two strip-teases for the crowd, when music played the
Chicken and the Sailor’s Jig. The prizes
were awarded to the handsome, quite inebriated, couple. One big prize was two whole nights in the
luxurious big Presidential Suite, the penthouse, with a splendid view of
Albany, the river and the carnival.
Adele fell naked on the satin bedsheets and promptly fell asleep. Sir Charles surmounted inhibitions and
mounted his Adele with verve. She stayed
asleep but somehow satisfied her mate who fell asleep before she roused. In the morning still enjoined the couple,
sleepily did try and make some love; the alcohol had had depressive
side-effects and they could not perform, no matter what they tried. Surrendering to facts of love, they slowly
showered and called the room-service for breakfast which came with the
room. The Benedictine eggs were quite
delicious, the coffee was sublime and orange-juice was freshly squeezed.
A
knocking at the door surprised them. It
was Samuel Ben Jackson, Governor. He was
alone and asked to talk to Charles and his Adele in privacy. Of course he was invited in. The doors were locked and all the curtains
drawn. A check for listening bugs and
hidden cameras then ensued. Satisfied
the Governor sat down with Charles, Adele and sublime coffee and declared,
“I’ve never had such fun before last night.
Would you consider host and hostess jobs for all the balls with
compensation quite commensurate to your great talents?” Of course, the couple did reply and signed a
pre-pared and complicated contract for the Governor and New York State. Adele and Charles were tickled pink and
hugged the Governor, intensely.
The
salaries were quite enlarged compared to what Adele and Charles were making as
accountants for the firm, Schenectady Accountants, Inc., Smith, Smith, Smith,
Smith and Ben Isaac Weinstein, eh? They
moved to Albany and bought a great big old house on the edge of town that was
an ancient mansion, once a home for Governors and guests. Downstate New Yorkers were quite envious of
Charles and his Adele. The magazines
went crazy with their spreads of scenes of blissful home-life and the drunken
duties at official balls, bar mitzvahs, weddings, funerals and local bars. The trouble was with alcohol, Adele and
Charles quite unaccustomed to the heavy drinking, which appeared to be quite
necessary for the kinds of actions that they performed at all the functions of
the Capital. The Governor was very
pleased at his own judgement in selecting Charles and his Adele because he
gained a lot, politically, by the joyous presence of them at the social
functions of the State. Even New York
City’s Mayor, Clandestine Cummerbunds, was envious. He offered Charles and Ms. Adele a higher
salary and benefits to leave their boss in Albany and enter the Big Apple to
express their social talents. They
discussed this with the Governor who did concede that he was quite unable to
just match the offer by Mayor Cummerbunds.
He did however get their promise to return to Albany for the
Inauguration Balls, in every other January.
Charles and his adored Adele sold off their mansion, and it’s lovely
antique English furniture, for a small fortune.
New York City Council bought a million dollar condominium for them with
views of Central Park and Guggenheim’s unusual Museum.
Adele
and Charles became the talk of Broadway and were featured, up and down, by the
erudite New Yorker Magazine. Broadway
was, in fact, where they were on the stage on almost every night with matinees
on Wednesdays and on Saturdays. The alcohol
consumed increased remarkably until they both were deeply jaundiced and
required two different liver transplants.
They were prohibited from drinking even beer. Their acts deteriorated as they were
sarcastic and not funny anymore. Their
Broadway scene collapsed and they were forced to sell their assets and move
back to Albany. The Governor had little
use for them and sent them back to the Accountants in Schenectady, where yet
another Smith had joined the firm, along with Tzvi Ben Ugrian.
Remarkably,
Adele and Charles rekindled all their love and found they still had zest enough
to make some loving love, enough to satisfy them both. For eighty years, the couple still appeared
to love each other deeply and have no regrets about their carousel of wild
events through which they’d lived. They
died within a week in January, just before the Ball official organizers had
asked them for nostalgia and a grand return performance for the politicians
here in Albany, the Capitol of New York State.
This
fairy tale has ended, folks. Please take
from it whate’er you want or need or do desire.
Adele and Charles, remarkably, are watching from On High and smiling,
eh? Amen and Hallelujah!
THE
END
© izzy sommers, md
Welland, Canada
August 10, 2013
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