high jinx in higher places

Hudson’s Bay Re-Trading Company

Financial Shenanigans, Again

O Sweet Jesus, Save Us From

The Youngest, Brightest CEOs

By Izzy Ess of Cleverness

In Mandalay, the Hudson’s Bay Re-Trading Company, Incorporated, had its store-rooms full of beaver hats that were at one time popular but now the Eco-Style Police Force, the ESPF, were against organic hats, which did require that Beavers would be killed to sell for gold and silver.  Stubborn, greedy CEO’s resolved to get the public to be craving for the beaver hats in order to retrieve the losses that occurred, thereby.  They changed the labels on the hats to indicate that all the hats were polyester, artificial substitutes for the originals and lo, the hats began to sell, fulfilling wealthy folks nostalgic needs for artificial duplicates of all those things that used to separate the rich folks from the poor.  The ploy was so successful that a younger brilliant CEO proposed a factory in Argentina in the most Southern tip of South America where Penguins and imported Canadian bred Beavers lived in harmony since Canadians and Argentinians had introduced the Beaver to resolve decay of swamplands by the Snakes and Turtles and the other nasty flora and the other overwhelming fauna, that were deemed to be unnecessary, quite despite the fact that all of them were mentioned in the Bible and were labelled, “ALL GOD’S CREATURES, SEEDS AND PLANTS, THAT WERE CREATED MUCH BEFORE THE ALLEGORY OF THE FAMOUS EDEN GARDEN.”  The Beavers had already learned to grunt in Spanish and were quite assimilated with the Spanish-speaking Penguins who were recognized Earth Treasures and protected from Mankind, but not from Orcas, who competed with the Penguins for the krill beneath the very cold Antarctic Ocean and often had a Penguin for a lunch.  To date, the birds are winning over mammals, the big score calculated at 2,000,000,000 to 2,000,000, the best of estimates of populations of the black and white smart birds and black and white quite brilliant mammals of the Seas and Lands below the Big Equator, north of which the Penguins never go, while Orcas roam the World Seas, eh?  The Beavers had achieved 1,000,208, at best of estimates and were protected, in a sense by Argentinian good folks.  At Hudson’s Bay Re-Trading Company, the HBRTC and not to empathetic CEOs, surreptitiously built underground huge slaughter-houses and started secretly reducing populations of the Beavers, unbeknownst to Argentinians and all Mankind.  The brave ecologists of Argentina and the UN experts were completely baffled by the gradual return of wetlands to the Snakes and Turtles, Cockroaches and Mosquitoes.  The prevailing theory was that Beavers were upset by cosmic rays that changed their natures and reduced their healthy lives to sickly ones.  A HBRTC bell-ringer was responsible for Eco-Police Forces finding all the secret slaughterhouses and a scandal did ensue.  Offending CEOs were fired and fined, but not before they’d made a fortune for their company, themselves and special holders of their stocks and options, and had reduced the Beaver’s numbers to a paltry 25.  The Beavers did recover quickly and restored the wetlands quite successfully, while HBRTC went bankrupt and their stocks did plummet toward the zero mark, from over 209 whole US dollars for a share on the NYSE, to an all-time low of 20 cents, just yesterday, with overwhelming selling pressure evident.  HBRT stocks were then delisted in NY and were controlled by the bankruptcy trustees who traded them on NASDEQ for times to be.  Suffice to say, in Mandalay, the losses to employees were much greater than the higher ups.  The Rich were still quite Rich.  The poor were even poorer.  Jesus would have disapproved for yet again the Rich were pre-prevented from the access to the Gates of Heaven while the poor were ever more admitted in larger numbers, which began the overcrowding of the Heavens for Eternity.  Some minor CEOs of HBRTC were forced to quite completely sub-divest themselves and thus become quite eligible to get through the Eyes of Needles.  HBRTC rich executives were able to withdraw their bonuses quite un-impeded and dissolved the company’s old charter and regrouped as Chesapeake Bay Grand Investments in the field of Service of Investment Counselling for other CEOs who had to hide in private islands to escape from scrutiny from Jesus and the SECs throughout the World.  Bigger Eyes of Needles were manufactured by an obscure company, The Heaven Games, Incorporated, who hired the brightest CEOs available, with options and big bonuses.  HCI is traded presently on all the major markets, including the TSE and NYSE, presently at USD, $505, at the closing bells, just yesterday.  The options are quite volatile, and quite popular, on the CBOE and the MSE.

AMEN AND HALLELUJAH!

THE END

© izzy sommers, md

Welland, Canada

August 13, 2013