milady janet

MILADY JANET WINDERMERE

AND THE YOUNGER DUKE PIERRE

An Ancient Royal Tale of Tail

By Izzy Ess of Sneakiness

Milady Janet Windermere was seventeen when she first dated Johann Christian Windermere.  She was a virgin still and wanted to remain so for the wooing, so that she could say with confidence that she was still a virgin on her wedding night.  Sir Windermere was thrice her age but she agreed to marry him when her own father recommended that a fortune could be made if she was wedded to this older man, in that, his royalty would merge with Henry Huntington’s successful business making rubber products which included condoms.  Ms. Janet Huntington was practical and much inclined to give her father credit for the business proposition which allowed her father to be blessed with royalty behind his rubber products.  The deal was struck, so with the marriage, Henry could emboss his letterhead with something heady like, “THE CONDOM MAKER FOR THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND.”  The queen, Queen Jezebel the Slut, expressed her pleasure with the Huntington’s ideas and their money and their products.  Janet would become a Duchess, married to the Duke of Bumble Dee, a district north of Nottingham.  The publicly announced virginity would add to the Mystique Fantastique, eh? The second Duke of Bumble Dee, a young man who had much experience with single and some married women, fell in love with Janet and expressed himself in no uncertain terms.  He asked if he could surreptitiously remove the stigma of virginity for Janet in return for his undying loyalty to her and his own father.  Some naïveté played a big role as Janet said, “OK!” to tall and handsome younger Duke, Pierre of Bumble Dee.

The night was moonless, dark and quite foreboding when the younger Duke, Pierre, met Janet secretly behind the barn in Bumble Dee.  He helped her show her derriere to him and he proceeded to give all he had to her.  Her cherry popped quite easily, without a drop of blood.  She put her palms down on the grass behind the barn while Sir Pierre stood upright just behind her derrière.  She liked it very much and kept her derriere quite steady, while the Duke was vigourously pumping her completely full of semen.  Grunts and screams were muffled by the duke who had a lot of stamina.  Ms. Janet matched his durability and they continued ‘til the break of dawn.  The flora and the fauna just enjoyed the show.  Ms. Janet covered up her derriere while the younger Duke of Bumble Bee retracted his big sword.  They kissed and hugged quite tenderly and then snuck back to their own homes.  They met again each night for two whole months while all the while the families were planning for the bigger show, the marriage of Ms. Janet to the older Duke.  The younger man contrived to get his prize into the barn where they could do their dance while naked.  Both enjoyed the nakedness and tried so many ways to make real certain that her publicized virginity was gone.  Their secret was so safely done; they just relaxed and had a ball.

The gala wedding was to be enjoyed by everyone in Bumble Dee and London and the other Earthly Royalty that came from far and wide.  The queen, Queen Jezebel demanded to receive the first rights of her royal station by enjoying wedding night virginity demolishing, herself, before the older Duke could do his thing.  And so, Queen Jezebel, The Slut, got down and dirty with Ms. Janet who’d been well instructed on behaviour aimed at showing that some blood was on the sheets to show the guests who came from far and wide to witness everything.  A tiny sac of lamb’s fresh menstrual blood was used to stain the bed sheets.  Neither Queen nor older Duke, nor Henry Huntington could see the ruse which had so cleverly been set up by the younger Duke.  No one observed that Janet was a little pregnant.  Slut was satisfied when she was tonging Janet that she broke a cherry.  Jezebel was overweight and looked a lot more pregnant than the bride.  Our Janet understood her role: she tongued the Queen to get her mind all disentangled.  The Queen and Janet rubbed their breasts together while Ms. Janet fingered Jezebel, The Slut.  The sheets were shown to all of Earthly Royalty and garnered loud applause.

As time went by, the Duchess entertained the younger Duke each afternoon and played around with the old Duke at night, no more than once a week, on Fridays, after candle lighting and the evening’s prayers.  The child who had been blessed was dubbed the Princess of the Bumble Dee, and named Persephone Penelope.  She had the privilege of watching all the great activities with younger Duke Pierre.  Penelope would suckle while the Duke was at his lover’s derriere, ever pumping her with warm and fuzzy goodies.  Duchess Janet liked to gobble honey chocolate cookies while she was enjoying the attention of Penelope and young Pierre.  Her second pregnancy was heralded throughout the land.  It was a bouncing baby boy, the Prince of Bumble Dee who got the other breast while the young handsome Duke Pierre still liked the derriere of the young Duchess.  Another round of heralding throughout the land was featured by a band of trumpeters who played some madrigals for everyone.

In 1191, while Berne in Switzerland was built, Queen Jezebel, The Slut, expired of apoplexy.  The older Duke of Bumble Dee was next in line to reign in England.  The younger Duke poured hemlock in his ear while he was sleeping with such great results.  At his grand funeral, the older King of England’s will announced that all his wealth and power would be passed to Duke Pierre, who now became the King.  The Queen of England, Janet, The Real Virgin, married King Pierre in ceremonies which were lavish more than ever with a golden coach and four huge Clydesdales, way before Anheuser Busch created beer and built St. Louis, Cardinals and all.  Our King Pierre, The Durable, drew up the plans for Bumble Hive, the Royal Castle, to replace the one in Bumble Dee, which was then used for summer fun and much frivolity.  The Church of Bumble Dee became officially the Church of England which was governed by the Roman Catholics with an iron fist.  The fun that Janet and Pierre were having had to be clandestine as the Roman Catholics did decree that sex was only done for pro-creation, ignored by Janet and Pierre.  They continued having fun in bed, unless the priest had come to live with them to re-enforce the Ten Commandments plus the Rules and Regulations that were part of Hebrew Scrolls from Genesis to Deuteronomy.  Our King and Queen, Pierre and Janet were so certain that the Pope would be kicked out of England and replaced by Canterbury’s Bishop who would allow some gluttony and greed to spice up lives in Anglo-Saxony.  Pierre admitted that he liked the Right of Kings, allowing him to pop an hundred cherries every month.  So secretly, the newly wed young virgins lauded King Pierre for his enthusiasm and his wide experience which made them happy brides with happy pregnancies.

In all those early days, the Dragons were alive.  Unfortunately, King Pierre, Queen Janet and their thirteen children were devoured in 1211, just before the Magna Carta disallowed devouring by the Dragons of the Realm, in 1215.  In Sherwood Forest, and the other Forests, Robin Hoods were forced to cease their coveting and bearing of false witness.  Sloth and Envy then ensued.

Eventually, William Shakespeare left his wife in Stratford and began his playful Chronicles of Kings and Queens and Tempests.  King Pierre, Queen Janet and their thirteen children and the hundreds of the other children were forgotten, save in this briefly told histoire.

I researched early English History and found a Madrigal which had been sung in 1214 describing all the details of Pierre’s and Janet’s lives.  Presenting them right here in Canada in 2013 has been delightful, eh?  I hope you have enjoyed the reading of it, just as much as I enjoyed recording it, for you, my darling readers of this blog on Google’s Blogger.

The End

© izzy sommers, md

Welland, Canada

August 24, 2013