Sir Jon Rides Again

JONATHAN’S BOLD PLAN

Beware when Kings are Kissing Up

By Izzy Ess of Inverness

Sir Jonathan, the Duke of Nottinghill, was third in line to take the Throne of Greater Hinterland.  Ahead of him was Sir Martin von Brigham, Duke of Morninglory, and Sir William, Duke of Roseland.  Sir Jonathan was getting to be 35 years old, in January, and he felt he might not live so long as would be necessary for Good Brian, King of Greater Hinterland, to die or abdicate.  Nor, was he younger than Sir Martin and Sir William.  To accelerate the upward mobile movement of himself, and his bold Duchess, our Sir Jon had planned a Feast of Winter Equinoxes, to draw the King and all the other Dukes, Penelope, the Queen, and all the Duchesses, Persephone, Adele and Virgin Sister Abigail.  Bernice, the wife of Jonathan, suggested hemlock poison for their legs of lamb, but Jonathan had felt that this was sloppy and not conducive to his regal expectations and to his pompous aspirations.  For entertainment of his guests, Sir Jonathan arranged for foxes and the hounds to lead the steeple-chase each morning.

Unbeknownst to his bold wife, the Duchess Bernice, he’d arranged the sleeping quarters to be near the Virgin Sister, Abigail, because he loved her shapely form and the prospect of deflowering such purer pulchritude, all by himself.  While his Duchess slept and snored, Sir Jon snuck in the room next door wherein slept Abigail.  Abigail had been expecting someone to take up the challenge of her deflowering.  She lay, quite naked in her satin covered bed.  She recognized the nude and lewd Sir Jon, immediately, and was quite prepared for him to mount her forcefully.  Abigail had already been surreptitiously deflowered by a handsome stable boy, the young and muscular John Charlie Brown.  The enthusiasm of this Abigail surprised Sir Jon, but he continued forcefully deflowering his prey, the lovely virgin, eh?  Bernice awoke to hear a scream and hurried into Abigail’s adjacent room.  She caught her husband just before a downward thrust and screamed at him to please desist.  It was much too late for Abigail and Jon to stop the consummation of their act.  So, Bernice disrobed and joined her Jon and Abigail and get her jollies, anyway she could.  She introduced her body in between her Jon and the intrusive Abigail and managed to get penetrated from behind while she was frontally involved with Abigail.  Both women started kissing, French-like, and started rubbing pubic bones with great élan while Jon was pumping her big derriere.

In the morning, all the guests were dressed for hunting in tuxedos and those tall tuxedo hats.  They all wore shiny riding boots, frilly silken blouses and their silver spurs.  Abigail was chosen to ride nude upon the leading horse.  Her long and flowing hair would look like the futuristic Lady of Godiva.  The men all followed her instead of following the hapless fox and hounds.  Ms. Abigail’s propensity to bounce was so endearing, all the men disrobed and hoped that one of them would fall upon the Virgin, Abigail, and be the one to forcefully deflower her, despite the secret fact that she had been deflowered already by the young and muscular, John Charlie Brown, the stable boy.  The virgin headed for the barn and dismounted fully nude and ready to be forcefully deflowered by an unsuspecting nobleman.  Three Dukes and Duchesses dismounted, too, and pounced upon Ms. Abigail, who entertained the lot of them by continuing to bounce upon a bale of hay.

John Charlie Brown was lurking there and got to Abigail before the others could.  He nailed her to the bale and started screaming, “Hallelujah!” while our Abigail did fake deflowering.  The others walked away quite disappointed and began to jump upon each other with élan.  The hay dust flew and made a cloud which did obscure the really great activity that did ensue.  Sir Jon took every chance to stab and kill his enemies and by the time the dust had settled, Sir Martin and Sir William had met their makers underneath the naked pile of bodies.  No one even noticed when the disentanglement was started until the Duchesses did scream and holler bloody murder.  Sir John was now the only live contender to the Crown of Hinterland.  The Lady, Bernice, poured hemlock in the ear of Good King Brian and the winner was declared by Jon himself who stood upon the pile of bodies triumphantly declaring that he was the King!

The stable boy and Abigail were still enjoined and having quite a ball upon the bale of hay.  The foxes and the hounds had turned around confused and ripped to pieces the new King Jonathan before he could make a royal edict that the King was dead!  Long live the King.  There being no one else to take command, Abigail proclaimed that she was now the Queen and her Prince Escort was to be the stable boy, Jon Charlie Brown, who was still quite  deeply penetrating Abigail.  The loving couple occupied the Castle at the picturesque location of the Lake of Dunsinane, from where they ruled the Hinterland with great compassion and great passion.  Abigail was already pregnant and she bore her Escort Prince three bouncing baby Princes who were in order named Lincoln, Malcolm and Johnny Constantine.

So ends the Tale of Heritage of the Royal Crown of Hinterland.  This would have lain in absolute obscurity were it not part of Abigail’s quite wordy diary which I discovered on a trip to Northern England, just south of the exotic resort town of Dunsinane on the shore of Loch Loma Bella Belinda.  Luckily, I found the diary was quite covered and protected with manure and hay in an old barn that still had bales of hay, which is what I saw, just yesterday.

THE END

© izzy sommers, md

Wetland, Kanata

September 25, 2013