JOHN THE BAPTIST &
NATHAN RUBENSTEIN
A Tale For Hallowe’en;
Please Don’t Scream!
By Izzy Ess Of Scariness
When John was but thirteen, he baptized Nathan Rubenstein,
his only friend, by almost drowning him in Humber River, early on a Wednesday
morning, 8:00 am. Our John had no idea what it was a baptism did,
but he had seen a film that showed the life of Jesus when he first started with
his ministry by being baptized by his brother, John.
For those of you not quite familiar with the allegorical
details of Jesus and John, they both were started, embryo-wise, by the Angel
Gabriel, in several gospels, well described.
Elizabeth, the wife of a famous prophet, had been barren. She prayed for impregnation. God sent the Holy Spirit inside Gabriel, a
favourite Angel of the Lord, and Gabriel was quite successful. He caused Elizabeth to overcome her
gynecological problem and begin a pregnancy by God, the Hebrew God of
Abraham. Soon after, Gabriel still had
the Holy Spirit in him and he caused the Virgin Mary, who’d come to Bethlehem
to pay her taxes, along with her fiancée, the hapless Josef. Joseph was a little miffed that his virgin
fiancée was impregnated by the Lord, but he accepted all of it eventually with
Love and Understanding. Theoretically,
then, John the Baptist, was the son of God as much as Jesus was the son of God. Theoretically, then, John was older than Our
Saviour, Jesus, and both were sons of God, though Jesus and his followers
proclaimed that Jesus was the only son of God.
Nowhere in the Gospels is this clarified. But it is significant that John was first and
could await a visit by Our Jesus to Baptize him in the River Jordan. I believe a devout Christian would take what
I have just said as out-and-out heresy.
John was soon beheaded for his dalliance with Salome,
descendent of Ishmael in Babylon, or Palestine, after she had sorely tempted
him with her Dance of Seven Veils, a most seductive strip tease job which was
taught her by her mother. Salome
received some silver pieces for her talents and her killing of the Baptist,
John. Jesus then remained essentially,
the only Son of God. Most certainly, our
John ascended to the Heavens and the Kingdom of the upper firmament. Certainly, he was there to greet our Jesus
when he ascended after dying on the Cross, at a later time when he was 33 Earth
years old. The Gospels are not specific
about what age John was when he was beheaded, but he must have been at least a
year or two younger than 33. The other
major difference is that Jesus disappeared from all the scriptures for some 15
years between his ages 15 and 30, when he triumphantly returned to face his
sacrificial death on what was later called, Palm Sunday. That Thursday was the Passover Dinner,
basically, The Last Supper, depicted by a mural by Da Vinci in the 16th
century, some 1600 years after Jesus was convincingly crucified. During that last supper, there was
allegorical betrayal that was predestined by their Judas, the accountant of the
group of Twelve Good Disciples. So
remorseful was our Judas that he became severely depressed and committed
suicide, despite the fact that Jesus knew of his upcoming betrayal and gave the
signal that Judas take the thirty silver pieces for himself.
Perhaps this is a simplification that is unwarranted. I have been strongly influenced by my dear
Friend, Jacob, a born-again Christian who spent ten years with me reading and re-reading
the entire bible. I was also strongly
influenced by Hugh Schonfeld, a Jewish man who spent 20 years researching the
life of Jesus from what was said in the scriptures. He suggested that Jesus was a true
revolutionary who sought to overthrow the repressive Roman oppression by a
forced Passion Play which made him out the sacrificial lamb to inspire his
followers to overwhelm the Romans, which they did by persuasion, rather than by
force. The process took several years
but was successful, in the end. The
Fiercely pagan Roman Empire was converted to the Holy Roman Empire and still
stands as the most powerful influence for the control of men’s minds in the
entire world.
Ironically, during the last supper, Jesus reverted to a
Pagan idea of making the wine into blood and the matzo into flesh, His Flesh
and Blood, which is still the present day celebration of the Mass. Sacrifice of Humans was an ironic
interjection into Judaism which had only sacrificed animals. The power of such a conversion is a basic
tenet of Christianity. Moreover, the Son
of God idea was a Roman one, inasmuch as each of the powerful Caesars all
claimed that they were born of virgins by the spirit of their gods and thus
were all “sons of gods.” Which came
first, the Christian idea or the Roman Empire idea, is hard to tell in
retrospect, according to Schonfeld.
John resuscitated his friend, Nathan Rubenstein who almost
drowned. John used mouth-to-mouth
respiration that he’d seen in yet another movie. They got to school in time, both thoroughly soaked
and had to explain to their teachers that they’d slipped and fallen into the
Humber River. The parents were called
but nothing came of it except for some awkward moments when the mothers, Mrs.
Rubenstein and Mrs. Smith, had the boys strip in the principal’s office to get
them into some dry clothes. Both the
mother’s mumbled that, “Boys will be boys!”
the principal surreptitiously admired both the boys’ naked bodies and
their lovely mothers’ naked bodies, as he undressed them in his mind. Everyone at school knew all about Mr. Steve
Macmillan’s secret, Walter Mitty fantasies.
John and Nathan were star basketball players and buddies
‘til the end of high school.
Academically, they were B+ students and had the grades to get into
Medical School for Nathan and Engineering School for John. Inasmuch as this meant two different
universities, the University of Toronto and the Western University in London,
Ontario. The boys rarely saw each other
for the next four years. John went on to
get his MBA while Nathan was completing his Medical schooling, after four years
of Pre-Medicine.
Eventually, they came together again in Hamilton, Ontario,
where Nathan did his internship and internal medicine residency at Hamilton
General Hospital and John was permanently employed as high middle management
for Stelco, The Hamilton headquarters for the Canadian Steel Company, which was
owned by Bethlehem Steel of Buffalo, in the alloy division, as assistant head
of the division. His salary was initially
substantial and his benefits included dental and eye care, stock options and
investment/retirement planning, as well as scheduled promotions and raises in
salary and benefits. He was given a
modern, beautifully appointed, corner office on the third floor, overlooking
Burlington and McNabb Streets, the huge CPR freight yards and the Hamilton Bay,
where international ships could come down the St. Lawrence River and through
the swinging railroad tracks and Lakeshore Highway right into Burlington Bay
and the modern shipyards and loading wharfs.
Stelco products were shipped mainly to the Eastern Sea Ports of the USA,
as well as across the North Atlantic to Great Britain and the rest of
Europe. During WWII, Stelco had manufactured
small tanks and huge bombshells for the Armed Forces of the Allies. After the war, manufacturing was mainly for
steel pipes and steel cables and steel plate for armoured cars and trucks.
The Alloy Division was getting into a huge market for small
stuff, including radio and television hardware and toy manufacturing. The Stelco line of small car models with
exact details, opening and closing trunks and doors became a collectors’
paradise. Stelco Minicars and Minitrucks
were distributed and sold all over the world.
Not too far away, at Wellington and Barton Streets, Nathan
was assigned a small Spartan bedroom on the 7th floor of Hamilton
General Hospital. His salary was just
under poverty level and the benefits were cheap food at the cafeteria run by
Tim Horton’s, laundry and a change of bed sheets and pillowcases, once a
week. The greatest benefits were the
female nurses, technicians and interns who were dressed in tight whites and
looked gorgeous. Nathan always liked the
white, “virginal” appearance of the hospital female staff. Nathan entertained at least one female
dressed in tight whites or long white lab coats, nightly. His reputation of being a nice, eligible,
Jewish doctor was instituted almost immediately. He looked a lot like Art Garfunkel in the
movie, “Carnal Knowledge,” with Jack Nicholson, Ann Margaret and Polly Bergen;
and, his personality was a lot similar to the role that Art played.
Nathan easily performed his duties well through his Junior
year, his Senior year and his Chief Residency year, when he was president of
the house staff and social director with a budget for making New Year’s Eve and
other parties. He had a strong interest
in Mental Illnesses; he accepted a Research fellowship and two year residency
in the Psychiatric Institute on Hamilton Mountain, where his quarters were more
luxurious and more seductive for his constant flow of female room-mates. He diagnosed himself as having Sex
Addiction. He sought no treatment nor
did he join any of the Sex Anonymous groups that met there along with the
Canadian versions of Alcoholics Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous and all the other
Anonymouses that met on the premises or surrounding chapels and residence
dormitory buildings. He recognized that
he liked himself addicted to caffeine, sex, nicotine, board games, card games,
casino games, horse races, thoroughbreds, sulkies and otherwise, and crossword
puzzles with Sudoku. On the other hand,
he referred many of his patients to these Anonymouses, expecting therapeutic
successes.
Nathan was aware that his whole Eastern European family in
Toronto, mainly from Hungary and the Ukraine, were loaded with Manic
Depressives and Borderline Psychotic Personalities. Some were Schizoaffective and most were
Obsessive-Compulsive, on top of their moody swings and bizarre thinking
patterns. Nathan himself realized that
he had moodiness and some perfectionism in his personality, but it had always
worked for him. He was creative,
hypersexual, hypervigilant, full of memory blocks, stubborn and irritable. He learned that a large set of his anxiety symptoms
might be Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, but he didn’t have clear memories of
abuse. He remembered fondly, that his
friend, John the Baptist, had tried to drown him, some time ago, but he
couldn’t imagine that that was the abuse with which he struggled. Nathan also knew that he was drawn to Mental
Illness and it’s therapy because his mother was mentally ill. She had severe Bipolar Disorder requiring
multiple hospitalizations for suicidal ideation and actual suicidal,
unsuccessful gestures. Nathan was the
first of four children and the only boy amongst three sisters who had taught
him all about sex and female personalities to watch for and to watch out
for. He had very pleasant memories of
bathing with all three of his sisters up to about age 13, when he had his Bar
Mitzvah, a Russian Orthodox affair where the men and women were segregated
until he was declared a man, when all the women stood and threw peanuts and
candy at him.
Nathan had many of his ideas about his family substantiated
when he consulted with a kind psychoanalyst, a Doctor Isaac Ruben, who was
specifically assigned to all the Fellows of the Residency Programme. The Fellows, like the nurses who had
psychiatric rotations, all had severe anxieties and depressions, at times, when
confronted with the bizarre thinking of the patients, especially the Paranoid
Schizophrenics, some of whom were brilliant and highly manipulative.
Nathan and John began to socialize together at the many new
bars and bistros of the new Hess Street Village. They found that women were attracted to them
as a couple of nice eligible and well educated guys. Nathan fell in love with Isobel Izzy
Cunningham, a lab technician at St. Joseph’s Hospital. Her sister, Tinkerbelle Tilly, somewhat shy,
hung out with Isobel and became the second female in a foursome. Anon, the boys and girls became an item who
were seen together often and together started showing up at family affairs for
Christmas, Hanukkah, Passover, Easter, weddings, funerals, communions and Bar
and Bat Mitzvahs. No one was surprised
that John and Nathan, Isobel and Tilly got married in Las Vegas, on vacation,
after Nathan finished his Fellowship.
The Fearsome Foursome bought a huge condominium together in
a newer Hess Street Village high rise, the Stewart Arms. It was halfway up the hill in Hamilton. The unit they purchased was the penthouse
unit with access to the roof. It
afforded them a magnificent view of Hamilton, Burlington Bay, the Queen
Elizabeth and the Royal Hamilton Yacht Club, established in the 1850’s, before
Canada was declared an independent Country, rather than a British
Commonwealth. The ruling class of Scots
in Hamilton was the Scottish Highlanders, the Order of the Black Watch. McNabb had already built Dundern Castle in
Dundern Park with its Grand Pavilion and cannons all around the property.
Nathan worked for the Ontario Hospital Insurance Programme,
OHIP, as did all doctors in Ontario.
Registration and licensing was done centrally in Toronto by the powerful
Ontario College of Physicians and Surgeons.
Nathan’s training in Internal Medicine was the qualifying that was
required and his record was outstanding and impeccable. He paid his huge initiation fee and yearly
dues. A secretary in his downtown office
of other Internists and Diagnosticians did all the computerized paperwork and
he was able to command an annual income of over $130,000, CAD, without any of
the benefits, like the ones that John was getting at Stelco. John helped Nathan establish his own benefit
programme for investments and eventual retirement. Without sick leave or vacation benefits,
Nathan paid for all of it, with John’s guidance for the most favourable of
spending patterns. As always, they were
a good team. Isobel and Tilly were also
guided by John, with regard to their salaried positions at St. Joseph’s
Hospital. As employees of St. Joseph’s
there was a generous benefit package for all the full-time people. Here again John was helpful and getting them
to adjust payroll deductions and other details for the girls.
In the Stewart Arms penthouse, the foursome was indeed a
foursome. The ladies did delight in
switching partners and sometimes didn’t bother as the four of them would end up
in one bed for the night. Nathan was the
director here. He was creative and
delightful as he played out all his fantasies and all his partners’
fantasies. Even shier than the others
our Tinkerbelle was gung ho in the bedroom while her sister, Izzy, was already
ready for just about anything that Nathan had in mind. John was always laughing and he threatened
always to dunk his buddy when he baptized him so many years ago. Nathan would taunt his friend by accusing him
of giving him French kisses during mouth-to-mouth. John would then mockingly ask if he enjoyed
it enough to try again. The girls would
giggle and give French kisses to the boys.
Then they offered them their derrieres for some back door action and the
boys complied, gladly. Each had special
fantasies about this position and the use of anal intercourse. Nathan had some words about perfectionism and
anal fixations and then desisted when he became so excited, he and Isobel
exploded simultaneously. John and Tilly
followed closely and exploded, simultaneously.
Nathan had done some research during his psychiatric
fellowship. He and his mentor, Dr. Isaac
Reuben, had become interested in the sniffers and snorters of the psychiatric
outpatient group. Both he and Isaac had
such sniffers and snorters in their own family.
Preliminary epidemiological statistics showed that they were universal
in the world, except in aboriginal populations, where sniffing and snorting
were essential for survival. Also,
Mendelian laws applied to inheritance of the sniffer-snorter gene. There was a vague association with
perfectionism which was inherited as a dominant genetic trait. Clean freaks and germaphobes had large
disproportionate numbers of sniffer-snorters.
In the non-aboriginal civilizations, sniffer-snorters were the highly
chauvinistic and deadly groups, like the Nazis, who propagandized formal hatred
of jews and blacks by saying they smelled badly and needed to be exterminated
as vermin to cleanse the “perfect” Ayrians.
Ethnic cleansing was certainly a prominent part of WWII annihilations of
undesirables by the Russians and the Germans.
Both were led at one time by very intelligent paranoid schizophrenics,
Adolph Hitler Schickelgruber and Josef Stalin.
Ironically, Adolph had a Jewish, Austrian mother, who presumably had a
form of mental illness that featured moodiness and perfectionism. Hitler was a germaphobe and clean freak. Stalin was less obviously a clean freak while
being thorough in his ethnic cleansing, often wiping out entire villages for
the sake of killing everyone without witnesses who might have been associated
with anti-Russian feelings or anti-Stalin leanings.
Nathan figured that the wide-spread use of hand sterilizers
was the work of the sniffer-snorter germaphobic clean freaks in Western
societies. His genetic studies suggested
this was an inherited pattern of thinking and of personalities, especially
Obsessive-Compulsive Personality types, the judging, criticizing populations of
the Western World. Nathan speculated
that the Japanese and Chinese were successful, partly due to the management
segments of the populations that were promoting entrepreneurialism and pushing
money as the major goal for all Chinese and Japanese. Inasmuch as success begat successful
personalities, the perfectionists amongst them were at the fore of
leadership. He guessed that sniffers and
snorters were also at the fore. So, as
opposed to the romantic phrase that Love makes the world go ‘round, it was
really Control that made the world go ‘round.
Were the sniffers and snorting perfectionists the new real leaders of
the world and the ones that controlled Mankind’s minds? Nathan and his foursome were certain that it
was. Nathan’s papers on the subject were
widely circulated in the psychiatric literature. His responses from his readers suggested
general agreement with his assessment.
Izzy and Tinkerbelle were sniffers, snorters, clean freaks
and germaphobes. They gave Nathan
permission to chart their families. Like
those of John and Nathan, there was clear lines of dominant transmission of
their personalities. The women knew exactly
who the sniffer-snorters were. Nathan
made assumptions that, like in the aboriginals, sniffing and snorting was
essential for providing healthy food, socializing and alerting to the presence
of strangers and their dangers, which could have led to annihilation or
enslavement. In animal groupings,
sniffing and snorting was essential for survival of the individuals and
groups. Nathan was beginning to
formulate an essential component of all societies in the animal kingdom, which
included mankind. It was based on the
sense of smell, the first and foremost sense of the nervous system of them
all. His book on it, “Smell and
Society,” won him a Pulitzer Prize, as it became an international bestseller,
and required reading at most Universities and Colleges in Sociology and
Physiology, Psychiatry and Philosophy.
The royalties made Nathan a wealthy man. John helped him put the money into important
investment opportunities and to build a retirement nest egg. The Fearsome Foursome was able to retire at
age 50 with millions of Canadian dollars and Gold Loonies. John and Izzy, Tinkerbelle and Nathan decided
they would like to live in New Zealand.
They were able to purchase a villa by the ocean and decorate it with
some antique furniture. Many villages
with Maori were nearby.
One sunny Sunday, the four wealthy retirees decided to take
a hike toward the foothills of a mountain range that originated with the
sliding of tectonic plates, one North, and the other, South. They were surrounded by a band of male, naked,
rather short, Maoris. The Fearsome
Foursome had just spent the morning in their only king-sized bed, just balling,
happily. They hadn’t showered, thinking
that they’d need a shower after hiking in the foothills. The male Maori’s seemed to come from the
trees that were abundant on the mountainside.
The males were adorned with costume jewelry and had those characteristic
white painted bumps all over their bare chests and bellies. Their male equipment just hung down until
they had surrounded both the women and had stripped their clothes right off
their sweaty bodies. The males bent over
to just sniff and snort around their buttocks and, anon, their manhoods
lengthened, and got hard and pointed in the air. Two naked males with huge erections grabbed
both Izzy and our Tinkerbelle and pushed their penises deep into them. The girls were startled, but excited by the
penetration. The male Maoris pumped so
vigourously, that they did induce large orgasms in the girls and exploded deep
inside them. John and Nathan were
astounded and frozen with the fear that they would get those penises up their
asses. Two naked women with those same
white bumps upon their breasts and hanging abdomens magically just appeared and
stripped both John and Nathan with some grunting and some squealing. They stuck their tongues right in their open
mouths and grabbed their balls quite tenderly.
Then they bent right over offering their derrieres to the
Canadians. John and Nathan now had long
and hard erections and they pushed them into both Maori women, who grunted and
squealed and lubricated with enthusiasm.
The men deposited big wads of semen deep inside the native women who
then smiled and indicated that the men should hump some more and make some more
deposits. The men withdrew their weapons
and they started painting breasts and abdomens with those same white spots that
adorned them. Simultaneously, the women
stopped the men from prumping and they disengaged and painted bot the men with
those white dots they they displayed.
Out of the woods, two men with long, sharp, strong machetes then
appeared and severed off John’s head.
They hung the head on a big branch of a small tree to let the blood run out. John was dead and his eyes were wide and
startled-looking. There was no place for
Nathan to hide. Besies, he was quite
worried about Isobel and Tilly. He moved
towad them but was stopped by the machete aimed at his own neck, so he stopped.
Two other taller and stronger Maori men stepped out from
behind the trees. One tree had branches
looking like a Crucifix. John’s arms
were strapped to those branches and he had to watch, helplessly, as the two men
forced themselves on both the Canadian women.
They pumped and pumped and then exploded with a scream that echoed
through the foothills. John’s legs were
grabbed by two strong, naked, Maori women and they strapped his legs to the
trunk of the tree. John was forced to
watch as a dozen men took full advantage of his women and pumped them full of
semen. The women then were forced to
watch as Nathan was killed by a spear that pierced his heart. The Canadian women fainted and were carried
up the mountain to a smoldering volcano and thrown into the depths to burn to
death within the molten lava. Only the
Maori heard their final screams. Then
the bodies of John and Nathan were carried up te body and thrown down the
smoldering volcano to sink into the burning lava. John’s severed head was taken elsewhere and
would hang inside the hut of the local chieftain, until it became a shrunken
head, a suitable prize for any chieftain to show off to visitors.
So ends the tale of four Canadians who were so curious about
the Aboriginals. It feels like curiosity
killed the Canadian cats…
The End
© izzy sommers, md
Welland, Canada
Oktoberfest, 2013
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