o god

OH, GAWD!

An Autumn Ode

By Izzy Ess of Forgetfulness

Oh, Gawd!  Must I endure this gross indignity?  Must I start wearing diapers and Depends?  My manhood has just shriveled up and disappeared within my swollen scrotum.  Sometimes, it leaks without a warning and it wets my underwear if I’ve remembered to put them on.  I look more like a woman than I do a man.  I’ve never had so big a sac of balls and though my balls are still intact and re-assuring, eh, where is my old wee-wee now?  Of course, for these last twenty years, my old ability to just attract and satisfy a woman has just fallen off!  Oh, my Gawd, I said it, didn’t I?  It might as well have fallen off for all the good it does me!  Even peeing is a problem for I must sit right down and hope that whatever pee doth come, it sprays into the toilet water.  For, if I just stand and pee, my water just sprays out in all directions, coming from within a pocket that has formed within my sac of balls.  And, I may live another twenty years.  I can’t foresee that, magically, will there be much improvement in my situation.  If anything, senility will bring forgetfulness more awful than it is right now.  Forgetting to sit down on the toilet might result in water sprayed about the bathrooms of my home and those that are my friend’s and business associate’s.  Of course, I might forget my name and those of my friends and associates; and, they, my name!  So, I won’t really care, eh?  After all, these are the Golden Years!  Or, perhaps, my Diamond Jubilation!  I’ve outlived all the doctors who predicted I would die of my quite lazy stubborn heart that’s failing, 20 years ago.  It is, in fact, my stubbornness that has prevented me from lying down and just accepting destiny.  It looks like I will die of something else, entirely.  Or, paerhaps, I will get shot by someone’s jealous husband when I’m 95!  Perhaps, a truck will strike me down when I go out for flavoured cigarillos when I’m 105.  Perhaps, an asteroid from Gawd, Himself, will strike our Earth and kill us all, when I attain my Genesis Great Promise of 120 years of age, like Moses, who remained at Sinai when he should have gone to see the Promised Land, instead of going back to his own real estate establishment in fertile Nod, within the Fertile Crescent, at the wealthy, fertile Delta of the Nile.  Or, perhaps, I am the living Spirit of Mosaic origins and live, forever, quite red-faced and fully bearded, quite re-gaining all my youthful potency and vision, eh?  Amen and Hallelujah!

THE END

© izzy sommers, md

Welland, Canada

October 9, 2013