EXPENSIVES AND EXPENDABLES

A fantasy of the future

By izzy ess expansiveness

Professor Zoltan Qatarrh was giving his final, “STRUCTURE OF SOCIAL BEHAVIOUR IN HOMO SAPIENS,” lecture to the class of 3333.  His boys and girls were in their late teens and anxious to be off for the semester and enjoy the winter with their kith and kin.  The topic of his lecture was, “EXPENSIVES AND EXPENDABLES.”  He was pointing out that canines were expensive because of grooming, doctoring and gathering the poop, yet half the families of the Earth owned such animals.  The solutions varied with the country.  In some countries, killing them and eating them were common practices.  In other countries, “dog meat,” was an expression but never an entity.  Similarly, horses were esteemed in some areas and eaten in others, sometimes mixed secretly with cow’s meat, which when ground, changed in name and nature to, “hamburger.”

“We still haven’t figured out the origins of ‘frankfurter,’ and ‘wiener,’” stated Professor Qatarrh.  “They are encased sausages of ground up pigs and cows, and change in name when cooked and served.  With beans they’re called ‘franks,’ while with soft nutrition-less bread, called, ‘buns,’ they change in species entirely and are called, ‘hot dogs.’  Perhaps, this is the actual ‘dog meat,’ from which is implied, someone who is approaching a beating and near death.  This doesn’t make sense to anyone right here on Wednesday, the sixteenth planet from Ball of Hydrogen Explosives.  Perhaps some of you who enter Researching Universities will find the answers.  Well, it’s time…  Enjoy your breaks and I’ll ogle you here, again, anon.  I’ll miss you all!”

The class of ’33 filed out, laughing as the proff wiped away the tears from his sixteen eyes.  He watched them trot on sixteen legs and speed away to Hinterland, their homes, away from homes.  All the males were already impregnated for the year and would return in twenty months with ten or twelve offspring, each.  The offspring would be entered in a special training school to learn all the languages and all the mathematics of their teenage parents.  Professor Winsome Xerox came to see the wise Qatarrh.  They’d made some offspring, in their day, and planned to make some more, today.  They began, immediately, by holding all their sixteen hands, while closing all their sixteen mouths, rubbing all their thirty-two knees and turning on the floor, fluorescent, light bulbs.

FIN

© DIZZY IZZY

WELLAND, KANATA

JUN le NOVA, 3333