Psychoanalysis IV
A High Horse for a change
of pace…
By Izzy Ess of Messiness
When I was young, my
parents, and others, taught me that religion, sex and politics were not OK for
frank discussions in mixed company. I’ve
always found that these specific subjects are the most interesting subjects for
reading, research and discussion. It’s
true that some are reluctant to discuss these subjects, which are very personal
and emotional. However, I have found
them so interesting, that I can’t resist.
I’ve lost a lot of kith, associates and kin because of it. Perhaps, that is the most serious
consequence. An unshaken view of all of
them is very hard to discuss in view of my observations that there’s lots of
interesting innuendoes, details and controversies that have remained of
interest to me. With my present age of
75, there have been a lot of changes in my attitudes toward these subjects and
all have definitely had major influences on me.
Dogmatic views are just dogmatic views.
Discussions with those that have dogmas, fixed ideas and deep faiths, in
all these areas, are dangerous and unfruitful.
I’ve been fortunate enough to have been psycho-analyzed. It was a labourious process, in the face of
my major psychiatric diagnosis, but it led to deeper understanding of why I
behave and think in certain ways. Perhaps,
I have my own dogmas about the uncertainty of all strongly held opinions in
these areas. Perhaps, I’m just
predestined to be a trouble-maker.
Perhaps, I like to be a trouble-maker.
It has its consequences but it also has its stimulation. I know I have certain “high horses,” and
certain “soap boxes,” often leading to my being looked upon as a trouble-maker
and agitator. My true friends have said
things like, “You did it on purpose, didn’t you? I saw you wait quietly until you could
interject a controversial idea and then you sit back and watch the fireworks.” Or, “Do you always want to be different than
everybody else? That’s why people fear
what you have to say or are disgusted by you!”
So be it. I think I’ve made peace
with many aspects of my personality and mood swings. Perhaps, my first wife said it all when she
decided she could not take another day with me.
She said, “I can’t live with you, but I have to say, there’s never been
a dull moment around here!” I believe I am
somehow allergic to dull moments. Most
people I know have some degree of OCPD, “Obsessive-Compulsive Personality
Disorder.” It has been highly successful
for them. Perhaps I should leave them
alone and let them live their structured, unimaginative, uncreative lives. It feels like that’s what they want. Changes disturb them. Strange ideas disturb them even more. Perhaps I’m being very presumptuous. However, I can’t imagine Beethoven, Tchaikovsky,
Van Gogh, Picasso, Kafka or the rest of the creative geniuses being restricted
in their creative efforts without paying a big price in originality. I am, in the Biblical sense, much more
Epicurean than I am Stoical. I prefer
fun to work, music to silence, laughing to crying and satire to a documentary. I choose to be different and I choose to look
for change. The sameness of most people’s
daily lives is like death to me. Or, as
the expression goes, most people are just waiting patiently or impatiently for
death. I think the here and now is more
precious than saving for a rainy day. I
believe money is for spending, not converting it to gold and just admiring the
piles of it one may have. I know I’m not
the first or last to think this way and behave accordingly. Jesus was remembered for his idea that God is
Love, not Fear or Anger. Paul/Saul, his
disciple, repeatedly was quoted as trying to change the Love, Reward and
Optimism ideas of Jesus, back to Fear, Anger, Vengeance, Retribution,
Seriousness, Damnation, Pessimism and a life-time of hard labour. Of course, the documentation is iffy to start
with. Josephus wrote the whole Bible in
Greek, 200 years after the crucifixion.
He might have had the stories mixed or the quotations wrong. Be that as it may, the allegories are fairly
straight forward. Some people are
crucified for having brilliant, loving ideas, while others try very hard to
subjugate us all to a life that fits their ideas of scheduling and
regularity. “Chaos!” you might
scream. “Natural order of life on Earth!”
I would answer. Even a superficial look
at the mores and lores of most of the aboriginal people on this Earth show them
to be respective of the trees and mountains, lakes and rivers, and the animals
around them, than the folks who would transform the Earth in their own image of
regularity and scheduling. I think we
would do much better with our very high carbon dioxide levels if we stopped turning
our environment into the obsessive-compulsive rigidity that is often prescribed. Our oxygen sources are being destroyed. Our water is being abused. Soon, water will be more expensive than
champagne. Soon, air will have to be
manufactured for tanks for all of us to carry around. Many have predicted this state of affairs for
years. I’m sorry if I offended Canadians
on Canada Day by suggesting we give all the land back to the natives. They were doing a much better job of
preserving things than we are. However,
I think that “It’s later than you think. “
I truly apologize to those I am offending, but it’s one of my High
Horses. I’m 75. I’m lucky to have reached this age, having
two life-threatening diagnoses, for many years.
I think I’m too stubborn to follow my doctors’ advice regarding
medications and diet, exercise and regular habits. I guess I’m too set in my trouble-making ways
and I do tend to be presumptuous, without out-and-out calling it bravery or
wisdom… Amen.
THE END
© izzy sommers, md
Welland, Canada
July 28, 2013
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