COFFEE, TEA OR ME?
A Silly Tale of False
Securities
By Izzy Ess of Target Carelessness
Selecting coffee, cream
and sugar, Sam
Surprised the old
dispenser by depressing
Tea, as well, with ice
and artificial
Sugar. Rumblings started coming, slow,
Then fast. Our Sam ran out into the hall
And headed for the
nearest exit and
Escaped to Elgin
Avenue. He heard
The huge explosion and
did not look back,
For fear of turning
salty, sweet and pure,
Until he reached the
safety of the Army-
Navy Pier. He took a running jump
And landed in the water
as a cloud
Of smoke whizzed by. The office building where
The coffee was, reduced
itself to rubble
As the firemen rushed
to get their hoses
Out to hose it down. Sam swam a dozen
Blocks to Edwards
Street and came ashore.
He entered Manny’s Men’s
Wear. On a credit
Card, Sam purchased a
neat silken suit
Of mauve and green,
with Paisleys, and some
Underwear and socks and
Nike runners, eh?
Sam ran to see the
hoses squirt their pressured
Water at the smoking
rubble. Some
Photographers and folks
with cell phones had
Recorded everything,
including Sam’s
Escape and plunge into
the water from
The Army-Navy Pier. Two Homeland, Secret
Service cops arrested
Sam, when they
Had seen the pictures
that went viral. Sam
Proclaimed his
innocence. However, his
Recorded profile did
contain the fact
That he had learned to
build a bomb in Engineering
School at Western
University,
In London, Canada. The fact
Was found that Sam had
been a rifle marksman
In Black Watch Cadets
in Westdale Secondary
School, in Hamilton,
Ontario.
They also found that he
had learned
To tie great knots when
he was in the Boy
Scouts of America, in
Burlington,
Ontario. Poor Sam was held without
A formal charge, in
basements of the York
Hotel and tortured with
a water board.
He did confess to trying
to confuse
The old machine
dispensing coffee. Also,
He confessed to knowing
how to use
A rifle, tie great
knots and build a pipe
Bomb using fertilizer
chemicals
And a remote controller
for the detonation.
Legal beagles finally
caught up
With Sam’s masked
jailors. Greedy lawyer’s name
Was Make-A-Fee and he
demanded thousands
For retainer fees, but
waived them when
He found that newspapers
had found the story
Of our Sam and was
reporting it,
As well as Make-A-Fee’s
big feet and fees.
The jailors disappeared
before they had
To tell exactly who
they were. Released,
Our Sam and Make-A-Fee
made speeches on
The steps of
Parliament, in Ottawa,
Ontario, and on the
edge of Army-
Navy Pier, where Sam
could demonstrate
The dive, and swim,
that saved his life. The Manny’s
Men’s Wear managers put
up their advertising
Signs and did supply
dry silken,
Paisley clothes for Sam
and Make-A-Fee,
Who frequently was
pushed into the drink.
Suffice to say, in
Hudson’s Bay and Mandalay,
The tale of Sam is
slammed, today.
Thai know that Sam
prefers café-au-lait.
THE END
© izzy sommers, md
Welland, Canada
July 27, 2013
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